All That Remains
by yougonnapayforthatmango
Summary: Clary was going to vacation with her family, until her reality was ripped from her hands. She must learn to survive in this new and harsh world where zombies outnumber humans. While on a supply run, she stumbles upon some teenagers like herself, and that's how she met the Lightwoods. How can you love when love gets you killed? When to be loved is to be destroyed?
1. Wake The Dead

"Mom! Have you seen my sketch pad?" I yell for my room. Mom, Luke and I are getting ready to leave for california. We've been planning this trip for about three months; and the day we leave, of course the day we leave! I can't find my sketch pad. At this point I am tearing my room apart looking for my god damn sketchpad. _You're a mess Clarissa Fairchild! _

"Quite yelling Clary you'll wake the dead!" I hear Luke shout from his room. I call him Dad, because my biological father doesn't deserve me. He was like a sperm donor. When my mom was married to that ass, he was using meth and trying to develop new drugs. My mom left him when my older brother Jonathan accidentally ingested some of it. It almost killed him. It took a year in the hospital for him to recover. My mother found out she was pregnant with me when she left my father and when a police officer came to arrest him from our house, that officer happened to be Luke. He always made sure that my family was safe. Then he started sleeping over when my mom felt scared. After a few years, he had a different reason to sleep over. Then they got married and the rest is history. Now my mom is currently pregnant with my baby sister.

I can hear the occasional snore from looks room. Unlike me, he was prepared yesterday, so he got to sleep in while I furiously packed for California.

"It's in the kitchen!" I hear my mom shout from the first floor. A breath of relief is released from my lungs. For a few moments I thought I had lost it. Sketching is like my way of relieving stress. I have my suitcase in hand and before I look back at my room. _I can't feel homesick now! _I feel scared at leaving the sense of familiarity. The sense of comfort in my room.

A devious grin spreads to my face when I get an idea.I start running into my parent's bedroom and I pounce on the bed, scaring the shit out of Luke.

"Clarissa Fairchild! I swear on the Angel that I will leave you here and make this family vacation a romantic vacation!" He shouts from under the covers. I would have taking him seriously except for the fact that when he gets out of the covers, he is smiling with that familiar cheesy grin of his. I climb off the bed and dash to the kitchen, almost falling down the stairs in the mean time. Excitement is running through my veins as I quickly eat the breakfast Mom has made. I think she was trying to make eggs, but what she has on my plate is far from it.

"Mom, this looks like brains, not that I don't love you! It's just, how do you mess up eggs?" I tease at her. Jonathan isn't really chewing his food, just holding it in his mouth and trying to act like he is loving the taste. She must have put something in the eggs. _Cravings. _Mom sticks her tongue out at me. Sometimes she acts like an older sister. She actually _looks_ like my older sister. We have the same dark red hair, emerald green eyes, and both love to draw. More like doubles of the same person.

"So is Simon and Rebecca going to be ready when we pick him up?" My mom asks me, getting off subject. Simon is my life long best friend. Rebecca is essentially like Simon, but I can tell her things that a boy would be a little embarrassed to hear. They are like my brother and sister, except people don't tell siblings that one has a crush on the other. Or if their dating..

"Yeah, are we going to pick them up now?" I ask Mom. Simon and Rebecca have been so excited to see California with me. I can't believe that their mother is okay with this. She usually is really stern with them. Maybe she just sees this as a way of not seeing the two of them around for a while. Their relationship with each other has been a little strained after Simon and Rebecca's father died.

Mom and Luke are holding hands as we walk to the car. Her stomach looks absolutely huge. Right now she's eight months pregnant and Luke has been treating her like royalty. I'm surprised he even let her make breakfast. Probably because he was asleep. Luke says that one day I'll be in the same position him and mom are in right now. That one day I'll have someone I would give anything for. I don't get what people mean when they say love of their life. I read it in books all the time, yet I've never felt that way for someone, except maybe my mom and Luke, but that's different. The supposed need for the other seems like a liability; and I just can't have one in my life.

* * *

><p>"So how many times are we going to play this song, guys?" I ask my parents with an annoyed tone.<p>

"Until the radio breaks Clary!" Luke shouts from in front.

"_Think of the children!_" I dramatically say to him. I hear Mom and Luke laugh and mutter something like _teenagers. _I roll my eyes in agitation. We've been on the road for an hour already. Simon has dozed off and Rebecca is listening to her music with her earbuds. Jonathan is seated in the very back of the SUV. He must be playing some game because I can hear the occasional grunt mixed with exhaustion and anger.

"Dad why is there so much traffic? It's not usually like this." I call out to Luke.

"I don't know, maybe a lot of people are leaving the city at this time." Luke says. I nod in agreement. Yet another helicopter passes over us.

"What's going on back there?" I whisper to Luke. I can hear screams and yelling. I think it's because we have not been moving for over ten minutes.

"I'm going to go check, stay in the car." Luke says. I can see him looking around and his eyes widen. He throws open the car door and he looks like he's seen something awful.

"What is it Dad?" I ask warily.

"We have to leave _now._" He says shakily. Luke starts the car and we speed off into the other lane, passing all the cars that are leaving and trying to avoid the few cars that are coming at us.

"Dad! What are you doing?!" I scream at him. Simon stirs awake and checks behind him when he hears the noise that is in the traffic.

"Clary, Look behind us." He whispers. I don't really see what this will accomplish because we're moving. I turn my head and see what can only be described as total chaos. There are people running out of their cars screaming as people attack the ones trapped in vehicles. I see some man being attacked on the road. After a few moments of trying to escape the man on top of him leans down by his face and don't know what he's doing, only that it's causing the other man pain. _Oh god, he's...eating him! What the hell is going on!? _Shots are being fired as people desperately try to defend themselves. I don't know how, but when those people are shot, they aren't even slowed down. There is only one explanation to what is happening, but it is the _worst _possible explanation. If what I think is happening _is _happening, than we have a slim chance of survival. We have guns, but not that much amo. Our bags are filled with clothes, but not survival gear. We are doomed if this does not change. Mom is panicking in her seat. I turn around again to see Jonathan covering his ears and mumbling something to himself. He doesn't like it when people are yelling. It reminds him of when our father Valentine lived with him and Mom.

"Lucian! What is _happening!? _What are those people doing?" Mom says in a panicked voice.

"I don't know Jocelyn! Maybe a disease! All I know is that I have to get away from this! We need to go somewhere remote." Luke says in a voice that he only used when he was in the military.

"Dad do you have the guns with you?" I ask with fear. If we don't have those, we are going to die. Rebecca is now panicking with her earbuds tossed over her shoulder. Maybe she's worried about what's going on right now; or the fact that if she didn't tag along, she would be dead right now, or worse, one of those _things. _  
>Simon has officially lost his shit and is trying to call his mom. I feel bad because I know his mom wouldn't even do that for him right now.<p>

"Shit, we need more stuff. Okay this is what we're gonna do! We are going to run into the hardware store and grab _whatever _we can grab! Got that?!" He says in his commander voice. We are all yelling in disagreement. I don't want to be anywhere near those things! I want to be safe in my car.

"Lucian, if you haven't noticed, _I am eight months pregnant with your child!" _Mom shouts at him.

"Right. Simon, Clary and Rebecca will stay with you. Jonathan, you're coming with me! We should reach the store in twenty minutes. You have to stick with me when we get in their. Don't get separated. If something happens to me, just grab what you can and leave. We need anything that can be used as a weapon. Grab things that are light in weight, but could kill something without breaking. Hammers, and crowbars. Got that?" Luke shouts to Jonathan. Jonathan is just nodding his head. Jonathan used to be in the military but came back for a little while to go with us to California. Guess that came in handy. Jonathan knows how to watch his ass now, and is a skilled man when it comes to weapons.

"Clary, when I leave, I want you to get in the front seat just in case something happens!" Luke orders me.

"I can't leave you guys!" I yell at Luke.

"Jonathan and I know how to protect ourselves, you guys can't." He states; and with that, the subject is dropped and we drive in silence, listening to the screams of others.

* * *

><p>When we reach the store, I get out of the SUV and get in the front. I hug Jonathan tightly, fearing it will be the last time I hug him.<p>

"_You are not allowed to die, you hear me?" _I whisper to my brother. I can feel him nod his head and I let go and sit down in the SUV. My hands are shaking as I hold onto the steering wheel. Every second feels like an eternity as I wait for the two of them. The time on my phone says it's been about twenty minutes. _What are they doing? _I can hear shots being fired from the store. I am glad it's a big store, or else I am sure that Dad and Jonathan would have been killed.

I am about to get out of the car when I see them. They have a large bag with them and are holding machetes in their hands. The machetes are _soaked _in blood. I can only hope it is the blood of those monsters and not people. I would like to think that I only have one enemy out their. I run out of the car and hug Jonathan tightly while sobbing. He eventually tells me that we have to leave. I almost forgot we were facing death. Whoops.

Jonathan and I climb in the back seat, wanting to get out of the reach of both people and monsters. Not much is said while Luke starts the SUV and speeds out of the parking lot of the store. Simon and Rebecca are holding hands, scared that they will lose the last of their family that they have left.

"Where are we going Dad?" I ask.

"We're going to your grandparents' farm in Kansas." Luke says without thought.

"We have to go somewhere where we can be separated from people. The less people, the less of those things we see." Mom says.

So that's it. In a matter of hours, we already have lost the world we live in.


	2. New Faces

It's been weeks since that first day. The first day where the world was taken over by zombies. They more days passed, the less screams we heard from people until they eventually dwindled to nothing. We've reached my grandparents farm, but not before killing zombies and people. I honestly don't know why people decided that if the world went to shit, they decided to lose their sense of humanity. I remember we had to go into a store to grab some food and I was too busy grabbing diapers for the soon to be born baby, when this guy came up behind me. I felt so weak. I hadn't had much food, and even if I was fully energized, I am a fairly small teenage girl. He tackled me to the ground and was working on the buttons of my jeans when Jonathan pulled him off of me and stabbed him in the chest. Yeah, he could have stabbed him through his head, but he wanted to make him suffer his last moments on Earth.

When we finally reached the Fairchild farm, there was an awful sight to see. Everything looked untouched, the cows were eating grass out in the field, the horses ran free. It was this little piece of the world that was untouched by disaster. When we opened the front doors of the large house, we saw my grandparents lying on the floor; or what was left of them. There skin was decomposing and even though my grandmothers torso and shoulder were missing, she managed to turn into a zombie. My grandfather was reduced to a pile of body parts. Mom had to turn away as Luke finished off her mother. We managed to scrub up all the blood and throw away the remains. It was hard picking up my Grandmother's corpse off the ground and into a trash bag.

My mother's due day was nearing, and we were all worried. Even though she had both my brother and I naturally, she did have an epidural. There was also the threat of trying to raise a baby in a world filled with monsters both living and undead. Each time it cried, it would put all of us in danger.

Over the small amount of time that had past since the world went to shit, Simon and Rebecca have turned into hardened soldiers. I think it was the loss of their mom and all the people they left behind that changed them. They didn't fear death anymore. When we would go on a run, they would gladly kill a zombie with their bare hands if they could. They seemed to enjoy killing them, because their mother might still be alive if it weren't for those monsters. The gymnastic classes that Rebecca took came in handy when she had to do stuff that the rest of us couldn't.

I know that with the apocalypse having taken place that my little teenage habits would go away, but they didn't. I would find myself staring at the small exchanges Jonathan and Rebecca would make. Rebecca may have very well been the last girl on Earth that he wasn't related to. At least Simon still treated me like his younger sister.

* * *

><p>I was gearing up, about to go on a run. Going in to the city was like visiting hell. Zombies and bodies littered the streets. Buildings were starting to fall apart without maintenance. Cars were scattered across the streets. Sometimes they would have zombies that haven't been awakened yet. It pained me to see a baby seat in a car, because as much as I wanted to believe that the family made it out alive, I knew they didn't. The zombies I saw came in all ages and sizes. Sometimes they would be little kids, sometimes they would be elderly peoples that couldn't walk, but crawled to their next meal.<p>

"Ready?" Jonathan asked me. He and the rest of us wore tight black clothing. It was better to blend into the shadows than wear a neon shirt that attracted attention. Rebecca and I kept our hair in tight buns. I wasn't going to let my hair down and get dragged off by a zombie! We couldn't wear armor because of how hot and humid it was, and also because it was heavy. The boys wore black pants and a black t-shirt, while Rebecca and I wore a black runners tanktop with black runners tights. We all had on running shoes, because no matter how secure a building was, we always ended up running out of it. We each had one gun and one gun only. We were only allowed to use it if there was no other way of escape, because of the noise it would make. Knives were our best friends. Even though I always carried a machete with me, I had a sheathed dagger that was tied to my hip, just like everyone else. When on a run, we all had backpacks with us when we got out of the SUV. If the situation was good, we would fill it, but if it wasn't, we only filled our backpacks and left. The SUV carried first aid kits and extra weapons. It was like our ambulance.  
>As horrible as the situation was, we still managed to keep up our hygiene. The showers were kept working after Luke did <em>something I can't even explain; lots of hoses and pumps. <em>I had to admit, it felt good to finally shave after all the time spent fighting for survival trying to get to the farm.

"Ready." I told Jonathan.

* * *

><p>"Remember, if you get caught in a situation, radio the rest of us. Don't wander off to far. Don't be a hero." Jonathan instructed. The SUV was parked in an alley close the the store, and the keys were with us. I walked down an aisle of the store where the baby food was kept. I stuffed my bad with non perishable baby food and diapers. I quietly walked to another side of the store. My machete looked like it was giving off it's own light. I looked out of the store window and decided to run across the street to a store that sold guns. I walked in and saw what could only be described as a miracle. There were weapons of all kinds. There were swords that could cut you just by looking at them. Guns hung on the wall like trophies. I saw laser pointers that could be attached to them; which would help me because I literally couldn't shoot to save my own life, but I was very skilled with knives and swords from all that Luke had taught Jonathan and I as children. If he hadn't, he wouldn't have trusted us to go out on our own.<p>

I was too distracted with the weapons in front of me to see the zombie that was behind me. I turned just in time to avoid his grab. I slipped and fell on my back, wincing as pain thrummed through my head. My vision was blurry, but I could still see the Zombie that was in front of me. He reached for me and I kicked him back. I ran to the back of the store; my feet silent and quick. I slipped again, my machete slicing my leg. It wasn't to deep, but it sure made me gasp in pain. The zombie approached me and fell onto me. I sword penetrated it's skull and I lay there, that thing lying limp on my body. I think my head injury was worse then I made it out to be, because the edges of my vision were turning black as I struggled to stay awake. The last thing I felt was the weight of the zombie being pulled off of me. I don't know how Jonathan found me.

"Jon." I croaked. Instead of his familiar platinum hair, I saw a golden halo. _Was I dead? _

_"_Isabelle! She's alive!" I heard a man's voice say. _Isabelle? _

_"_Jace how many times to I have to tell you to not go saving every girl you see?" Another man's voice asked.

"I didn't _save _her Alec! She had already killed this thing when I got here!" The apparent Jace spoke.

"No way did that little thing kill that zombie Jace!" Alec yelled back.

"When I got here, she had stabbed the thing through it's head! But I think she must have hit her head or something when she fell because passed out. There is a nasty cut on her thigh though. I think her sword is to blame for that." Jace said. It took all my strength to say something.

"Machete." I groaned with closed eyes.

"What?" Jace said in confusion.

"It's not a _sword_, it's a machete." I repeated more clearly. I peeled open my eyes to see a boy not that older than me leaning over me. He had wavy blond hair and muscles that wound tightly to his slim body. His shockingly gold eyes were filled with concern as he looked me.

"You get attacked by a zombie and your first words are used to correct me on the type of weapon you carry?" Jace said astonishingly. I got up on my feet, holding my throbbing head. I looked around to see what most likely would have been a model a few weeks ago, and another boy who carried her same angled features, minus the fact that he had deep blue eyes instead of her black ones. My tights felt sticky, and I saw just how soaked they were from the gash on my leg.

"Dammit Lukes going to laugh at me for this!" I yell to myself.

"Luke?" Jace asks.

"Yeah, which reminds me that I better get going." I said while walking forward. I felt a strong grip on my hand and turned to see Jace holding on to me.

"How the hell are you going to manage to walk out of here with a concussion?" He asked curiously.

"Well I'm not really going to walk, maybe across the road to find my brother and friends, and then I'll have my ride." I said matter-of-factly. Turns out I didn't need to walk across the road, because Jonathan, Rebecca, and Simon came running across the street. They stopped dead in their tracks when they got inside the store and saw people with me. Simon didn't care and he ran up to me and pulled me in his arms.

"_I thought I fucking lost you!_" Simon yelled as he managed to pull me even tighter in his grip. I heard someone clear their throat behind us.

"Look I know that humanity is at it's end and all, but you don't need to repopulate the Earth with _him _yet." Jace sneered. Simon looked over my head and glared at him.

"And who are you?" Simon growled. Jace wore a devious grin as he spoke.

"Why I am the man who will swoop her off her feet. Jace Herondale at your service." Jace said with a solute.

"Over my dead body." Jonathan snarled at Jace.

"Pardon me, but I believe we have yet to be introduced?" Jace asked.

"I'm Jonathan, _her brother._" Jonathan spoke in a threatening tone.

"And I'm Alec, _his brother_." Alec said, matching Jonathans tone. All of the men around me were brandishing weapons, ready to fight one another. The rest of the girls looked trapped in the crossfire.

"Knock it off!" I yelled at Jonathan and Simon. I managed to get free of Simons embrace and was standing in the middle of the two groups. "We have to get home Jonathan! Look around you! Now is the time that you want to defend your sisters honor!?" I yelled in disbelief. Jonathan and Simon reluctantly lowered their machetes and mumbled something under their breaths. I looked at Isabelle, Alec and Jace and decided that they would be useful around the farm. We did need some extra people to help us with building defences. With more people, we could get more resources on our runs. Isabelle could probably help me with delivering the baby...

"Hey, do you guys have a place to stay?" I asked the other group. They looked very different from us. They looked as if the last time they got a full night sleep was before all hell broke loose. Dirt stuck to their skin and they looked gaunt from lack of nutrition.

"No." Isabelle said with shame.

"Well than it looks like you're going to come with us. That is unless you choose otherwise." I offered.

"Deal." They all said at once. They picked up the bags they had set on the floor with I can only guess were filled with weapons. When we all got seated in the SUV, Jonathan had protested that I was making a mistake. I told him the pros of them living with us and that seemed to shut him up. It was a little crowded on the drive home with all the supplies we had grabbed.

When we had arrived at the farm, my parents didn't protest at our new members. They treated them like they treated us. I wondered what made them so accepting of them until I saw them from their point of view. To my parents, they looked like hungry children that needed the affection of paternal figures; and they were happy to provide it.


	3. Glitter

"I'm starting to think yo like pinning me on the ground Clary." Jace said from under me. We were training and it seemed that I was winning.

"Me too Herondale." I spoke down to him. My legs straddled his waist, and he didn't seem to protest. Feeling the awkward tension rise, I got up to my feet and pulled him up with me. All the training that I had done in a year seemed to pay off. Although it was hard to admit, Jace was an exceptional fighter. The only time he lost was when he wanted to patronize me. Bastard. My brother Jonathan seemed to be as good a fighter as him, only training with him because he wanted a chance to kick his ass.

"You know I would have beaten you today had it not been for the fact that I could hear Jonathan and Rebecca going at it in the room next to me." Jace teased. My face blushed red. It was true that Jonathan and Rebecca were basically married now. They had a ring on their fingers and such. I didn't really see the point of marriage now that it didn't really matter. All you had to do was say you were married to someone these days.

"I could say the same about Simon and Isabelle." I remarked. I saw the horror that crossed Jace's face as he thought of his adoptive sister with her current boyfriend.

"I don't know what she sees in the rat." Jace mumbled. I laughed at his embarrassment. It wasn't to often that Jace Herondale blushed. I grabbed a towel that hung in the training room wall and wiped the sweat that beaded on my stomach. I didn't care how much Jace would tease me at how I looked hot in a sports bra and tights, I wasn't going to wear sweats! He seemed to admire me as I cleaned myself off.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you ever think that we will end up together? I mean everyone around us is in a relationship, except Alec and Sebastian, but I don't think you're Alec's type. And Sebastian isn't as hot as me." Jace said, smirking at the last part

"I don't know, I've gone _pretty _far with Sebastian." I said while looking up at the training room ceiling and smiling. I could see Jace tense out of the corner of my eye. Sebastian had joined our group recently; and it was apparently clear to Jace that he was attracted to me. We had found him wandering alone. He was visiting his aunt when the virus spread. He was the total opposite of Jace. Where Jace had blond hair, Sebastian had jet black hair. While Jace liked to flirt, Sebastian like to compliment. They seemed to have the same body shape. They were both tall and had exceptional strength.

"Really? Why Verlac? You know I would gladly be of service to you Clarissa Fairchild." Jace said with an honest face.

"I'm kidding Jace." I laughed. He eased up at my words and resumed his calm expression.

"Didn't know you'd be one to tease Clary." He mumbled. Whenever I was with Jace, there was always this sort of tension that was in the room. He would always tease me and I would always argue with him. It was a constant cycle of disagreement. Deep down we both cared for the other. I could always count on him to have my back on a run, and I knew I would do the same for him. But we weren't on a run, we were two people that were stuck training with each other; so for now we just argued like people who couldn't stand to be around each other.

We walked out of the training room and made our way to the living room. I could see that Isabelle and Simon were watching Ambra. Ambra's birth had been very complicated and difficult. During her birth, a horde of zombies was passing the farm and we had to take them all out while also helping my mom through contractions. I almost had to slice my mom open to get my baby sister out of her. Luckily, it didn't come to that. It was a relief when Ambra turned out to be such a calm baby. She rarely fussed; she instead whimpered when she was hungry or needed changing. As she was developing into a toddler, she was fun to play with. Even Jace had trouble resisting to play a game with her. Luke had insisted on raising her to be skilled with weapons and to show her to treat zombies with caution, but not to fear them.

"Thinking of becoming a mom Isabelle?" Jace teased. Isabelle held Ambra on her hip and glared at Jace's question. Simon's face turned crimson.

"Yeah, why not? I mean I would be _great _with children!" Isabelle teased back. This made Jace fluster. As much as Isabelle and Jace teased the other, I knew he would always see her as his little sister, no matter how annoyed he got with her.

"I'm surprised you aren't already pregnant! Every Night is sounds like your back is getting thrown out! You know the rest of us have ears right?!" Jace shouted. "I have to give it to you Simon, I didn't even think you could turn on a light switch, let alone Isabelle!" Jace continued yelling.

"Jace!" I yelled. His head snapped towards mine. I could see just how much he was enjoying teasing Isabelle and Simon. I grabbed his hand and led him to his room. I pushed him through the threshold and locked the door behind us.

"It's about time!" He exclaimed. I rolled my eyes at him and crossed my arms.

"I think you should calm down Jace." I spoke softly to him, trying to calm his nerves.

"How am I supposed to calm down when I have you alone in my room?" He asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Why do you keep doing that!" I yelled at him. A look of confusion spread on his face before he realized what it was and a crooked grin replaced it.

"What on Earth are you talking about? Care to be more specific?" He asked in a patronizing tone. He walked up to me to where I had to look up at him to match his gaze.

"This! You're constantly flirting with me, and I want you to stop!" I said in one breath. I put my hands on his chest and shoved him backwards.

"Flirting?" He said with a hurt expression."You must have me mistaken Clarissa, I am infact trying to seduce you." He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Seduce? And how is that going for you?" I asked.

"Amazing, considering that I have you alone in my room in a sports bra and short tights." He said with a smirk. I suddenly felt self conscience about my current apparel. I covered my chest and lowered my head in embarrassment.

"Don't do that. You look gorgeous. You're breathtaking. You should feel hot Clarissa with your flat stomach and _definitely _not flat chest." Jace said. As good as his intentions were, I found myself pressing my back against the door, looking for the door knob. When my hand finally grasped the knob, I unlocked the door and left him in his room. Why did he have to always make me feel like that. I always left his presence feeling flushed and gasping. My heart was thumping wildly in my chest as I tried to calm down. He was just using me because I was the only girl that was left available on Earth! Well there probably pockets of girls scattered across the globe, but none were in his reach. In a way, it made me mad that he would use me like that. Use me because without me he would remain the rest of his life in celibacy; while I would spend the rest of my life as a virgin if it meant not sleeping with him. There was always Sebastian. Sebastian was a lot sweeter than Jace. He wouldn't compliment me on my attributes, but more on my face. I ran down the hall and wasn't paying attention when I crashed into Sebastian. Shit. My chest was pressed tightly against him and I quickly stumbled back.

"You okay?" Sebastian asked in concern. He didn't seem to care about my current state of skin revealing, only raising a brow at why I was dressed for training.

"Fine, just had to get away from Jace." I explained. My blush had calmed down and my skin returned to it's regular pale color.

"Hey, Luke asked if you wanted to go on a run. Up for it?" Sebastian asked.

"Definately." I said in a release of air that I had held in my lungs. I walked passed him and went in my room to get my gear on. I strapped my knife to my side and slung my backpack over my shoulders. With machete in hand, I made my way to the living room. I stopped when I heard Simon and Isabelle talking. It's not that I like to eavesdrop, but when you don't have television, there isn't much to keep you entertained besides zombie slaying.

"...I just don't think you should be going with us because of the baby." Simon spoke. Why would Ambra affect our run?

"Simon we're not even sure yet. I have to make sure before you keep me stuck in this house." Isabelle said annoyed.

"Okay, but you're sticking with me." Simon said. That seemed to be the end of their conversation. I'm not sure what it meant exactly. I shrugged it off and went into the living room, startling them.

"Guys can you stop showing affection for each other for _one second._" I gasped in irritation. "Are you ready to go on a run?" I asked.

"Yeah." They both said.

* * *

><p>Sebastian was walking next to me as we inspected an area of a large store. Glass was everywhere, giving us away to any zombies that would be around us. <p>

"Sebastian, do you hear that?" I whispered to him. He sounded confused until he could hear the soft crunch of glass around us. He held up his machete, as I did as well; waiting for the approaching zombie to spring out of no where. It was unusual for them to be so quiet. I turned my gaze to see where the noise was coming from and then I saw him. He looked like the lack of beauty salons didn't affect him. While his hair was dark, the rest of it turned into bright colors at the end. It looked very...bold. I didn't think I would use that word after the world ending and stuff, but yet there was no other word for it. His clothing was either a fashion fo paux, or it was very fashionable. I couldn't tell which. He had a colorful shirt on with pants that looked very constricting.

"Do you guys know where I can find some glitter in this place?" The man asked. I was speechless. Humanity was ending, and he was looking for _glitter_?

"Ugh, no. You know, if you want, you could tag along with us? We could always use the help where we live." Sebastian propositioned. The rest of our group came behind us and the strange man seemed to settle his gaze on Alec.

"That would be nice. _Very nice." _He said, making it clear it was Alec he was talking to. "The names Magnus." He spoke again.

"So do you have any skills that we should know of _Magnus?_" Jace asked annoyed.

"Well I am exceptionally gifted at healing people. I used to be a paramedic." Magnus answered.

And that was how we recruited another member.


	4. Pushed Into The Arms Of Another

"I'll kill you!" Jace screamed as he pounced on Simon. "It's not even that _hard_ Simon! ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS PULL OUT!" Jace growled as Simon thrashed underneath him. Isabelle was screaming at Jace to get off of him, but Jace didn't seem to care. Sebastian was still sitting on the couch next to me, looking _very _uncomfortable watching the situation in front of him progress. Rebecca was panic stricken as Jonathan tried to pull Jace off of him. Alec blushed as he thought of the words Isabelle and Simon had just said. Magnus was standing next to him with an amused grin on his face. My parents had just walked in on the scene that was occurring in the living room. Ambra was giggling, thinking that Jace and Simon were just playing. Jace however, was not playing.

Jonathan managed to pull Jace off of Simon and Isabelle ran into his arms, asking if he was okay.

"If you haven't notice _Jace, __**I wanted my child to grow up with a father**_!" Isabelle yelled at her adoptive brother. Mom almost dropped Ambra when she heard this.

"_What?" _My mom asked in shock. Simon ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think of a way to tell my mother that her adoptive daughter was pregnant.

"Um, Jocelyn, Isabelle's pregnant." He muttered. My mother's face flushed red and she put her head in her hands. We all waited patiently to see what she was going to say. She lifted her head up and ran over to Isabelle and Simon and embraced both of them. They looked shocked when she pulled them in for a hug. I think they were expecting a slap from her. I guess that's why Simon screamed. My mom pulled back and stood in front of them.

"Guys, it's not like you have school to finish! I think the only worry is how it will be raised; but this place is relatively safe with the new brick walls that we built. I'm happy for you!" She said with a smile. She turned her gaze to Magnus. "Do you have any experience with delivering babies?" She asked.

"Yeah. When I was a paramedic, there was always a lady who thought that she wasn't pregnant so of course we were needed to help deliver a baby. I could do this no problem, if we had some supplies tools which I'm sure we can grab from the city's hospital." Magnus explained. I heard Isabelle release the air she was holding in. I could see that she had her hand on her stomach. We all turned our attention to Jace.

"_What the hell was that Herondale?" _I yelled at him.

"Language." Mom warned. I forgot that Ambra was sitting on the floor playing with toys.

"You expect me to be _happy _that he got her pregnant!" Jace yelled at me.

"No but you didn't have to make Isabelle a widow!" I yelled back. I could feel everybody's stare on me and Jace and my face was no longer only flushing with anger. Jace turned his gaze to Jonathan. Jonathan braced himself for whatever shit Jace was about to throw at him.

"How would you feel if your baby sister was pregnant with my child!" Jace asked him, his volume still high.

"_Your child_?" Jonathan and I both asked in unison. Jace seemed to have realized what he had just said because he face grew red with embarrassment. I think that was the second time I have ever seen Jace Herondale blush.

"You get what I'm trying to say!" Jace yelled with his eyes closed.

"I would only be mad at her for setting her priorities so _low_." Jonathan sneered. That seemed to have caused Jace to snap again because a second later, both men were struggling to pin the other down on the floor. Punches were thrown and grunts were made. I pulled Jace off the floor and Rebecca grabbed Jonathan. Both men glared at each other as we pulled them to different sides of the room.

"He started it!" Jonathan yelled, his index finger pointing at Jace.

"Don't make me blush honey!" Jace teased. Rebecca grabbed Jonathan by his shirt collar and dragged him into their room. Jace's breathing seemed to cool down after he left. We were all left in silence as we stared at Jaces outburst. Luke cleared his throat to try and put some noise in the room besides Ambra's giggles.

"I was going to ask Jace and Clary if they would like to go on a run. It's only for some supplies that you can find in the small stores. Minimal threat." Look propositioned.

"I'm in if you're in Clary." Jace said in a surprisingly calm tone. I nodded my head, shocked that the violent outburst that he had just showed, was now gone. I turned and started my way towards my room. I was a little weirded out by the fact that Jace had said I was pregnant with his child in his reference. Yeah it was just a reference, but he could have said anyone. Like Sebastian. Not that I was thinking of Sebastian or anything. I mean I'm not really denying at how attractive he is, because boy was he sculpted well. It was like the angel himself designed the boy! How is it my fault for finding him attractive. _Snap out of it! _I could feel myself blushing as I fought with my own mind. I was slipping on my tanktop as I heard the door open.

"Oh! Sorry I forgot you were getting changed!" Jace yelled as he turned his back to me.

"It's okay Jace, it's nothing you haven't seen before." I mumbled as I pulled on my tights. He slowly turned around and his face was the color of my hair. His gold eyes seemed to have darken when he saw me.

"Right." He said. I slipped on my shoes and started tying them.

"So did Luke give you the list for what needed?" I aske Jace. I saw his blush deepen. "What? What did he want?"

"Uh, it's just that he wanted some stuff that would help with some problems." Jace said.

"And that would be."

"Condoms." He said, sounding out of breath. His face was twisted in a cringe as he spoke.

"Oh." I mumbled. I could feel my face flushing red.

"Yeah." Jace whispered. I attached my dagger to my hip and put my gun in it's holster. My backpack hung lightly on my bag and I my machete was placed familiarly in my hand.

"Okay. Let's go."

* * *

><p>"I think it's a good idea that we get these." I said as I pulled a box of condoms off the shelf. I checked the expiration date. Still good. I stuffed them into my backpack and reached for some other stuff that would be of assistance.<p>

"Yeah, wouldn't wanted someone else getting pregnant." Jace agreed. Jace was following me around the store, which was unlike him. He usually spent his runs in a different area than the people he was with. I held my machete in my right hand and shushed Jace when I heard a oh-so familiar moan come from one of the aisles. Jace tightened his left hand on his own machete and we crept towards the noise. Jace ran to a different area of the store, confusing me, but I still went for the zombie I had heard. I was surprised to see nothing. I didn't think that the thing I was after was behind me though. I turned to see a very large zombie. I had no doubt this would have been a man who was feared by many when he was alive. I almost screamed, but I covered my mouth not wanting to attract more of the monsters. I fell backwards when I slipped on blood of someone who wasn't lucky. My machete had fallen at the zombie's feet and I couldn't grab it without being bitten. I was laying on my back and used my elbows to propel me away from the beast. _Where the hell was Jace? _I looked around and blinked fast, trying to clear my vision of the fogginess that filled my head when I fell. I grabbed my dagger that was clipped to my hip and threw it at the zombie's head. My impaired vision made me miss my target and the zombie lunged for me. I kicked it in the face and I heard one of it's bones snap. It's jaw hung loose as it still advanced on me. As much as I wanted to reach for the gun and kill it, I couldn't risk the other's that would follow in pursuit of the noise. I desperately looked around for something to use to protect me. I tried to stand up and run, but the sudden pain in my ankle made me whimper and fall down again. I army crawled as fast as I could away from the zombie. I was growing more tired, and the zombie was growing more hungry by the second. I realized that I wouldn't survive this, so I turned to face my attacker. I was glad that I couldn't see how terrifying he looked right now. My blurred vision made this all look like a nightmare. The zombie was now a mere five feet away. I looked up at it, ready to meet whatever death would bring. Suddenly, a flash of silver whizzed through the air, slicing the monster's head off. I lay on the floor in shock.

At first, I thought that an angel had saved me, but as my vision cleared, I saw Jace. He looked like he was about to die of a panic attack.

"Fuck." He muttered under his breath as he scooped me in his arms. "I'm so sorry. I thought you had that zombie, so I went to go take down the other one I heard. I'm so sorry. I could have gotten you killed!" He cried as he held me tighter.

"I'm okay Jace. Well except for the fact that my ankle is sprained." I said.

"When I saw you lying there on the floor, I was so scared that I had lost you." He said while bowing his head in shame. I grabbed his chin and faced his gaze towards me. He seemed to think my motives were the same as his as he leaned into me and kissed me. His sudden attack had left me motionless. Realizing that I wasn't pushing him away, he deepened the kiss, pressing his tongue to the entrance of my lips. So many emotions raced through my head; desire, disgust, embarrassment, relief, longing, angst. I gave into him and crushed my lips to his. He moaned in response. His hands slid up my arms and I couldn't contain the goosebumps that were caused by his touch. I reset my hand at the crook of his neck. He pressed his lips even harder to mine, causing me to moan in both pain and desire. These feelings were all new to me. He was good at this. I then started to think of all the other girls he had done this with, and the hurt I felt was overwhelming. It was too much to handle and I separated my lips from his, gasping for air.

"Jace, we can't." I whispered as he held my body in my arms. It was that moment that made me wish that I hadn't sprained my ankle. I wanted desperately to run away from the embarrassment that had unfolded from the space between us. A look of hurt crossed his face as he nodded his head and carried me to the SUV. His brows were angled in both emotional pain and anger. The drive back was agonizingly silent. This was the only time I wished to hear his voice.

* * *

><p>When we reached the house, Sebastian ran up to the SUV and when he saw that I couldn't walk, he scooped me into his arms; earning a glare from Jace. I looked back at him, he was purposely not looking at me. I could see the frown that was plastered onto his angelic face. I wanted to cry. Sebastian carried me into the living room and set me down on the couch. Isabelle seemed to detect something wrong, well <em>more <em>wrong than usual between Jace and I. I looked down at my feet while I explained why it taken us so long to get back; leaving out the part where Jace kissed me.

"Clary, can I talk to you outside?" Sebastian asked me. I nodded my head and he carried me to a bench that was seated in the backyard. Stars scattered across the night sky, making the scene romantic. Warm air breezed past me and I felt somehow more comfortable out here than inside. I looked out to the pastures and saw the cows laying down with their calves. Horses fed off of the land. The crickets seemed to provide a sort of music to the night. It almost felt like the world hadn't ended. Like humanity wasn't facing existence. The moon provided a beautiful glow to the flowers that surrounded us. I turned to see Sebastion holding a flower in his hand, plucking off the petals one by one.

"So what did you have to tell me so badly that you dragged me out of the house?" I asked Sebastian. He looked like he was about to be sick. His face was a ghastly pale. "Oh god! Are you bitten?!" I asked with panic clear on my face. He seemed to laugh at my fear.

"Funny that you say that considering it was you who almost got bitten. It was just that I have something that you need to know. Just know that I'm not asking anything from you when I tell you that I am madly in love with you Clarissa Fairchild." He said bravely. I gasped at his words. A look of concern was plastered on his face. I could feel my cheeks turn crimson. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything that you don't want to." Sebastian said with a hint of sadness.

"It's not that Sebastian, I just thought of how _awful _it's going to be to tell Jace he was right. But if we're being honest, I have something to say." I couldn't believe what I was doing. The words that wanted to escape my mouth were both true and false. I wanted this so badly. I wanted to feel someones arms around me again. The feelings that I had for Sebastian seemed to be equal to Jace's. But with Sebastian, I felt safe. I wasn't fearing that it would all come shattering down, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my own heart. Sebastian was gentle, and I needed that right now. The love I felt for this man seemed to be safer than the latter. "I love you too." I breathed. Sebastian looked at me with amazement. He reached his hand out to me and cupped my neck. He pulled my lips to his. Where Jace's kiss was all fire and passion, his was gentle and sweet. I found myself being pulled into the kiss. The wounds my heart had suffered seemed to heal at his touch. I knew that this man would cherish every moment with me.

But could I do the same for him?


	5. The Fire That Is Our Love

I woke up to a familiar arm around my waist. I smiled and closed my eyes, relishing in the peace that was in the moment. I could feel Sebastian grin against my neck. It almost felt like the world wasn't caving in around us. Maybe if I imagined hard enough, I could smell the coffee that someone would have had running in the kitchen. I was in a place that was both a dream and reality. The full shock of the zombie apocalypse hadn't set in yet. I wrapped my arm around Sebastians and I gazed at my engagement ring. He said that it had been passed down from generation to generation. I was surprised at how natural it felt on my hand. Although it's features were odd, they came together pleasingly, like Sebastian himself. The ring had an emerald center, matching my eyes. The band that curled across my finger was silver, but on the inside read a language that I couldn't read engraved in gold to clash with the silver. Sebastian stirred in his sleep, his hair tickling my neck. I turned around, facing my sleeping fiance. He looked so different now, instead of when he would fully wake up and realize the total destruction of the world around us.

"Morning." Sebastian mumbled, his eyes still closed, the smile still on his face. I intertwined my hands with his and kissed his forehead. That seemed to wake him up. He smiled when he gazed at me, his dark eyes full of love. I sat up in bed, pulling the covers around my bare chest. The sun shined down on my creamy skin, giving it a luminous glow. I reached for the bra that was on the floor next to our bed a put it on. I grabbed my shirt that lay at the foot of the bed and slipped it over my head. I swung my feet over the bed and went to the wardrobe to grab some shorts. I groaned and turned back to Sebastian to see he had them in his hands. I lunged for them and he pulled me back into his embrace. Snatching the shorts from his hands, and quickly slipped my feet through them and put them on.

I returned to the wardrobe and tossed Sebastian some clothes. He let out a moan of frustration and slowly got dressed.

* * *

><p>"Finally! I thought was going to have to pull you two off of each other to get you to come out here!" Isabelle shrieked at us. My face blushed and Sebastian held me closer. I could see Jace staring at me out of the corner of my eye. When he had found out that Sebastian and I were together, he nearly had a heart attack. At one point he had even came into my room late at night, asking if I was sure about Sebastian. By the time he had asked, I was already over my little heartbreak, and I was madly in love with him. Sebastian was like a security blanket for me. I was never scared in his presence. It both comforted, and scared me that he would gladly lay his life on the line if it meant I had a better chance of survival. Whenever my gaze was met with his, it was as if I was being pulled to him, our love connecting us in a spiritual sense. I now hoped that maybe one day I could be with Sebastian the way Isabelle and Simon were with each other. I wanted to have his children, because these day, every hour seems like a godsend. Isabelle rested her hand on her now visible baby bump. We hadn't told anyone about the engagement, but we didn't hide the ring. We just waited for them to realize it.<p>

"Where are Alec and Magnus?" I asked avoiding the subject of Sebastian and I's intimacy. Everyone seemed to roll their eyes at the same time, and I knew my answer. We had many new additions to our group. Jem and Tessa were the most recent. I remember Magnus telling me that they had went to the same high school together, but lost contact when they graduated. Before the virus, Jem worked as a Judge. Tessa worked for the newspaper. Together they had one child, a two year old named Katherine. Jem and Tessa had adopted their fifteen year old niece Emma when her parents were killed by zombies. When they got here, Emma never smiled, but after she made friends with the Blackthorn children that had arrived before her, she seemed to have changed for the better. Tessa also had children from a previous marriage, a son named James, and a daughter named Lucie. Tessa's husband William was killed when he was in the military, leaving her a widow. The Blackthorn family was a very large one. Helen and Mark were the oldest. Helen brought along her girlfriend with her family as they got on the road to travel. Helen and Mark both had light hair that contrasted with their younger siblings.

"I made some eggs, want some?" My mom asked me. The windmill outside our farm provided power, and the farm digester, a big machine used to capture methane, which are big tanks that contain manure and other waste from barns that house livestock such as cows and pigs, supplied us with gas to heat the house. We had come very far in the time we had gotten to my grandparent's farm. Our situation could have been _very _much worse than it is now.

When I took a big whiff of the air around me, I felt my stomach shift in protest. The sharp pain made me dash to the backyard a relieve the contents of my stomach. I felt a warm hand rub my back, calming my nerves. When I had stopped heaving, I looked up to see Sebastian. He offered a hand, helping me get to my feet. Fear plagued my thought as the ideas as why I would be vomiting overwhelmed me. Perhaps it was just tainted food, or just the stomach flu, but something inside me told me that I should know better. I felt conflicted. If this was what I thought it was, the idea of having a family made me overjoyed; but family was a weakness. To always being looking out for someone other than yourself was a heavy weight to carry; even if the house we lived in was basically shielded from the destroyed world around us.

"Should I take you to Magnus?" Sebastian asked as he walked me back to the house. I looked back at the bench where Sebastian had professed his love for me. That night was magical for us. It was that night that I no longer felt alone. That a bit of my humanity had been saved by the love of this man. I was never one to fall for someone. I was so confused when I saw people showing affection for each other in public. To constantly be touching the same person, whether it be lips or hands or...other places. The idea of baring my soul to someone, not knowing if the love that connected us would last, it scared me. It seemed like it was easier to get shot in the knee than suffer from a broken heart. To have your emotions fill you with pain; yet I took the same risk with Sebastian. Deep down in my conscience, a part of me knew this fairytale would all come crashing down.

"I think I already know what's wrong with me..." I mumbled. He raised his eyebrow, apparently not understanding what I was insinuating. It's not like we spent our nights sleeping next to each other. Far from it. The only time we ended up sleeping was after our tiring session of...quality time. Whenever the subject was brought up, Sebastian called it making love, because that's what it was. The joining of two souls. Shedding away all you have to the person you love, and sharing a special moment with that person. Calling it 'making love' seemed a little strange for me. I would just say sex, because that's what it was when you didn't even feel something for the other person; when no strings were attached.

"Oh?" Sebastian questioned. I rolled my eyes, deciding to tell him in our room, and grabbed his hand. He followed me without question, but he did seem a bit lost when I shut the door behind us. I sat him down at the foot of the bed and told him I'd be back. It was in this moment, in this moment that I'd remember for the rest of my probably short life. I went into the bathroom that was connected to my room, and shut the door behind me. Under the sink was a device only meant to be used once. I had grabbed it on a run, just in case a situation like this occurred. It was better than to be prepared than to have everybody know that I could be pregnant while on a run. Hurray for planning! I pulled the little stick out of it's box. I took a big breath, and sat down on the toilet. Seconds felt like hours sitting there, staring at the test. When the three minute mark had passed, I cautiously looked at the stick. It amused me at how a small wand-like thing could change the path of my life. I held the test in my hand, not looking down at it. I wanted the first few moments of knowing about the baby to have Sebastian in it. Baby. I had already started thinking of it that way. A little thing that would expand my heart with love. I was now hoping that I was pregnant. I wanted so badly to have a bond that love could not even reach, with Sebastian. I looked at his facial expression when I got out of the bathroom. He looked like a small child expecting to hear their parents scold them. I trembled with excitement when I went up to him.

"You dragged me over here so you could use the bathroom?" He asked amusingly. I made a noise that was in between a laugh and hiccup, a burning sensation in my throat clogging sound. Sebastian stood up automatically with concern. He hated when I cried; the thought of me being sad ripping him apart. It was one of the reasons I loved him. I was pulled into his warm arms. He rubbed my back, trying to calm whatever reason that made me cry. The tears weren't of sadness though, more of the pure excitement that filled me as I wondered if I was pregnant. I stepped away from him, he looked me over, seeing why I separated our bodies. I took his hand and slipped the test in his grasp. He looked confused as to what I had put in his palm, until he actually looked at it. For what seemed like an hour, he just stood there, looking at the stick. I was almost thrown back in surprise when I saw the tears in dark eyes. Sebastian _never _cried. I think the only time I had seen him cry was when I had passed out from a fever, the thought of losing me petrified him. A smile had cracked his face in half, and I knew what the test said. A steady stream of salt water flowed from my eyes. The grin that he carried matching the one that appeared on my face. I ran into his arms and wrapped my slender arms around his muscular neck. He lifted me up and we held each other tightly as joy filled our minds.

"You're pregnant!" Sebastian cried with joy. I buried my face in the crook of his neck; nuzzling in the warmth. I breathed in the scent of him, he smelled like flowers and what can only be described as clean smelling."I'm going to be a Dad." He said with amazement that could not be measured. I nodded against his neck, and his wide grin pressed his jaw to my shoulder. The sudden moment came to an abrupt stop as he set me down. His face held concern in it, fearing that even the slightest touch would harm me and our baby.

"Sebastian, I'm pregnant, not dying." I argued. I found my hand resting against my stomach. I could understand why Isabelle did this, it was a sort of comfort to feel your baby against your palm. It felt sort of like protecting it, to shield it under my skin.

"I promise you this Clarissa _Verlac, _that you will most certainly not lift a finger while you are carrying our child!" He stated dramatically. I rolled my eyes and he lifted me up bridal style and carried me to our bed, setting me gently on the soft cushions.

"Sebastian dear, I'm afraid I'll have to disagree with you on that one." I teased. The idea of just sitting around the farm for nine months seemed painfully boring.

"Clary, I would die if anything happened to the two of you, knowing that I could have prevented it." Sebastian spoke softly. Sebastian only seemed to show these moments to me. The moments when he stripped himself bare of any emotional shield; the moments where he would be mine. He looked so fragile right now. Fear didn't suit him well. Sebastian looked like a man who looked and acted very brave. Few things seemed to scare him, and losing me was on the top of that list. He would rather get bitten that watch me die; and I the same.

"I'll be fine. _We'll _be fine." I said in a calm, reassuring tone. Sebastian's eyes fluttered close as I caressed his face with my hand; feeling the slight stubble scratch my palm. I leaned my forehead against his, cupping his neck. I pulled him close and sealed us together with a kiss. His lips molded against mine. This feeling I felt when I kissed him; it was like taking a breath of air for the first time. My mind was sharp; desire pulsing. I needed to feel his soft lips against mine. They felt like petals. Sebastian ran his hands up my arms, resting them on the back of my head, crushing his lips against mine. We were both enveloped by the love we shared for only each other. I slowly pushed him against the bed, straddling him; my lips still against his. Knowing where this was going to go, Sebastian rested his hand at the skin that was revealed by my shirt pushing up. He ran his hand up by back, making me shiver at his touch. I started a trail of kisses from his mouth, down to the corners of his jaw; finally resting my lips against his pulse, feeling it thrum with vitality. I could feel him moan, the vibrations moving against my lips. I lifted my arms up, allowing him to pull off my shirt. I quickly helped him remove his too, relishing in this new warmth that I revealed. I could feel his solidity against me. I smiled against his mouth. He had his hands on the waistline of my athletic shorts, slowly pulling the down my thighs; within no time, my shorts were laying on the floor, along with his sweats. The only thing that separated was quickly being thrown off our willing bodies, desperation and desire fueling us. We were connected at once. We moved together in a steady motion. Our own rhythm of love. It was beautiful to be intimate with someone I loved dearly. To show them just how much I loved them. To find that were not only compatible mentally, but also physically. He held me so close to him, but it wasn't enough. We embraced the other so tightly, fearing an separation. Our gasps and moans filled the room, sinking into the walls. The fire between us was blazing, consuming us both; growing until it could not burn brighter. Tears leaked from our eyes, as if to let some of the fire escape. Our love burning like a supernova. I had yet to find something as beautiful as this. Our skin was warm with the heat that came off the other. My nerves buzzed with affection as I gave out my last drop of energy to the fire. Soon after desire flooded our systems, a blissful exhaustion took it's place. We lay together on the bed. I was laying on his stomach, trying to catch my breath.

"I love you. God _I love you both so much_." Sebastian said with relief, as if I didn't know already. I laid my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his everlasting heart. The heart that beat fast for me and me only. It would be a lie to say that mine didn't do the same.

"We love you too." I said softly, my cheek against him. His fingers combed through my crimson hair. His other hand was tracing intricate patterns along the length of my spine. I could hear his heart speed up, and before I could ask him what he was thinking, he immediately answered my question.

"We have to tell them."


	6. Hormones

My mind was as high as the clouds. I felt myself being pulled from my body; floating away. I almost wished for this escape, it was far better than what I was about to do. Before I could do anything, my self conscience was being violently dragged to my body. It snapped back into my head, making me aware of the person saying my name.

"Clary?" Jonathan asked me. Sebastian and I stood next to each other, the rest of our group sitting on the couches and floor; ready to hear the news we needed to tell them. If things still were the way they were, I would have been crying with fear, trying to tell the people I cared for that I was pregnant before I even reached the age of twenty; but things were different. The world was plagued by fear and evil, and maybe, just maybe, that this small life could fill it with a little more hope. The hope that had left all of us a we watched the ones we cared for die at the hands of monsters that we had once known as people.

"Sorry, my mind drifted. What were we talking about?" I asked stupidly. Jonathan's brows furrowed in suspicion.

"You and Sebastian came in saying that there was something we needed to know." Jonathan said matter-of-factly. Rebecca was holding his hand in her lip as she and him both looked at me, as was everyone else.

"Oh! Right. Sebastian, do you want to lead in with this or..." I lead on. Sebastian looked a mixture of both happy and nervous. We didn't know how our group would react to such news. They didn't treat Isabelle horribly, so maybe we had a chance. I could feel my hands clamming up so I grasped Sebastian's right hand with my left. That seemed to have calmed me a little bit.

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE ENGAGED?!" Isabelle shrieked from her spot on the couch. I could hear our group gasp in unison as all eyes drifted to the beautiful ring on my left hand. I looked at Jace, and the look of pain on his face made me want to hide into Sebastian's arms.

"Shit, we forgot to tell them!" I said to Sebastian. "Yes we are engaged, but there is something else." I choked out.

"Well what is it Clary?" My mom asked. She didn't look angry at the engagement, so maybe she would take the idea of a grandchild smoothly too.

"As you all know, I love Clarissa dearly," Sebastian said while looking into my eyes. Jace flinched at his words, as if they burned him. "And for some amazing reason, she loves me too," Sebastian added. Jace glared at him, while the girls of our group awed at us, like we were puppies.

"Get to the damn point Sebastian!" Jace growled from his seat. For the first time, it seemed like we had made eye contact with each other. His anger cooled into interest as he rested his chin on his hand, waiting a response. I looked to Sebastian, desperately wanting to rip off the bandage of this awkward situation. I had to do it now, or else I'd just end up chickening out and having a child without anyone else knowing.

"We're starting a family." Sebastian said joyously. I heard a scream from Isabelle as she waddled over to me and pulled me into her strong hug. My mother joined her, and along with Tessa, Helen, Aline, Emma, and Rebecca. Magnus, Jem, Alec, Jonathan, Simon, Luke, and Julian Blackthorn shook Sebastian's hand. Jonathan turned and gave me a big hug. Magnus hugged the both of us. Jace surprisingly got up from his seat on the couch and shook Sebastian's hand, and then pulled me in for a hug. I gasped at the contact from him I had not received in months. He held me tight, and I let him. Something about the way he had held me, it made me feel better. Maybe we would be friends again. I desperately needed him in my life.

"Congratulations you two, the love you both share, while it is kinda gross, makes you two capable of bringing life into this horrible world." Jace said to us. Sebastian smiled at him and pulled him in for a hug. Jace laughed and looked at me, drinking the moment in. I smiled at him, and he did the same. "You do know that you won't be able to go on runs, right?" Jace asked me, with amusement and a slight amount of concern.

"Of course she knows that!" Sebastian spoke with alarm. Although the fact that I wouldn't be able to go on an adventure anymore annoyed me, I admitted that it was the best choice to protect me and my baby. Even after our child was born, I would still have to worry about leaving it at home. I told Sebastian if something ever happened while we were out on a run, to not go after the other, because at the end of the day someone has to return home to our child. Sebastian highly disagreed with me, but I made him promise. We would just have to get over the fact that we had lost the other person, but there was still a child we had to raise. I knew that it would be hard for both of us to just let the other get devoured, but sacrifices had to be made.

"So have you two picked out any names?" Jonathan asked us. Sebastian and I hadn't even thought of that. It pained me when I learned that I'd have to wait nine months before I would know the gender of our baby. Well, it's not like I could paint a nursery and host a baby shower. To bad there wasn't a zombie free Walmart.

"No." I said ashamed. I didn't even have a name for my own baby!

"Better think of something before we end up calling the baby It when it's born." Jonathan laughed. Suddenly, a surge of emotions raced through me. I couldn't handle the erratic emotions. My eyes started welling up with tears for some unknown reason. I wasn't even sad! My eyes seemed to think otherwise.

"You okay Clary?" Jace asked with worry. Suddenly, it wasn't sadness that ran through me, but anger. Did he think I wasn't strong? Did he think that because I'm a woman, that meant I also cried a lot. Why are men such assholes!?

"I'm just damn fine Jace!" I snapped. I immediately felt regret, and then the tears were back. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Uh, Clarissa, honey, are you feeling well?" Sebastian asked. That seemed to bring out the emotional car ride to a stop at angerville.

"What Sebastian? Are you just worried about me because you knocked me up? Worried that the girl you banged is crazy!?" I snapped again. I ran out of the living room, leaving the guys in absolute confusion. I slammed my door shut and hid myself under the covers of my bed. I laid there in fetal position. Why am I acting like this? Maybe I was crazy. It wasn't even five minutes after I had stormed off until I heard a soft knock at my door. I could hear someone call my name, but I didn't want to get up. I felt like I was being pulled apart by my emotions. I felt angry at myself for being so rude to them. They were only concerned for me and I just yelled at them. What if Sebastian leaves me because he actually thinks I'm crazy now! Damn these emotions. Is this what they mean by hormones going crazy when you're pregnant, because this feels like total shit!

While I was lost in my own mind, I could feel someone come under the covers with me and wrap their arms around my waist. I shifted to see my loving Sebastian. His eyes were red and concern flooded through them. The guilt I felt was surmounting with each passing moment. I had never been mean to anyone, except maybe Jace, but that was more of a sibling rivalry type thing! I was cruel for making Sebastian feel so worried.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried and buried my face into his chest. He gladly pulled me into his arms and I could hear him sigh in relief.

"I thought you were going to leave me. For a second, I thought that it was over." Sebastian whispered.

"Hormones." I mumbled into his chest. That made him laugh, his muscular chest bouncing. The loved that I held for him burned bright when I looked at his happy expression. A new surge of emotions broke through my mind, and they were very far from bad.

I pulled his head down to mine, and crushed my lips against his full ones. He gasped in surprise before giving himself to me. I feverously attacked his face with my mouth. I needed him. Bad. I wanted to show him just how badly that urge was. I pulled the covers off of us and straddled his waist. I tossed my shirt off, and he looked up at me in amazement. I tugged his shirt off and I didn't even remove my bra before I started working on the buttons of his pants. Crimson flooded to my cheeks as I could see, _feel _how badly he wanted me too. I cried with relief as I got his pants undone and I took him right then and there. I didn't care that we were half naked, I wanted to experience the release that so badly wanted to escape my body. He panted as our rhythm took off. I was gasping in pleasure as I continued my assault. Sebastian's hands digged into my waist, grinding me against him. I couldn't believe what I was doing. Sebastian's grunts sounded more and more primal as we roughly connected. My hands were balanced on his chest, scratching his amazing muscles. The relief I needed so badly was slowly coming along, burning desire through my skin like slow moving magma. I felt myself being pushed dangerously close to the edge of ecstasy. My vision blurred with pure pleasure. The feeling of Sebastian's hands on me was dulling as all feeling went to the smoldering fire inside me. I was then pushed into the burning fire, the blaze consuming me. My muscles squeezed him, and I cried out in eternal bliss. Sebastian's movements now became wild, putting my sensitive body at his mercy. I could feel his warm breath kiss my neck as he wildly moved around. With one last agonizing grunt, Sebastian pulled my face to his and groaned hard against my mouth. His grip loosened against me, and I could feel him soften. I rolled off of him, amazed at my own actions.

"If that was you're apology, then I accept it." Sebastian laughed. I blushed, not knowing why I decided to do that. Those were the actions of a woman _much _more skilled than me.

"I don't know why I did that." I whispered.

"When you figure out, let me know so I can trigger it all the time." He teased. I playfully slapped his hard stomach. I guess that wasn't such a good idea, because the fire I had thought I extinguished, returned with a vengeance. "God that was so wild. I still had my pants on! They way you rode me, by the angel it's like you thought you would never get fucked again. I've never heard you scream like that..."

"I think you just triggered it." I gasped. My nerve endings were electrified, just waiting for his touch.

"Lucky me, but let's take it a tad bit slower, I want to make love to you Clarissa, not furiously fuck you like a mad man." He stated.

He turned to me again, this time kissing me slowly, unlike my last approach. His hands ran up my smooth stomach, ending at breast. Sebastian's was breathing rapidly. He moved agonizingly slow, and that wasn't good enough for me. I put my hands behind my back and undid my bra, releasing my now growing breast. I heard him gasp in amazement. My hands grasped the waistline of his jeans. I looked up at him, waiting for a nod, and one he did, I quickly pulled down his jeans, and then I threw off his boxers. He tisked at me, but his smile told me that my dominance excited him. In a short amount of time, we were at it again. I was getting frustrated with him, because he didn't want to match my rapid pace.

"_Harder." _I moaned into his mouth. Sebastian grunted and flipped me over, catching me by surprise. I had never done this with him. It was new and exciting. Within a short amount of time, we were both grunting in the pleasure that ran through us.

* * *

><p>"Could you guys keep it down next time you decide to go at each other?" Isabelle asked Sebastian and I. My jaw dropped as I recalled all the screaming that was made.<p>

"Honestly, it sounded like someone was being murdered!" Simon added. Sebastian pulled me to him, not wanting to feel singled out.

"Normally all we hear is the occasional grunt and _oh __baby you feel so tight_, but not this time. This time we could hear you both screaming out profanities. We all had to talk loudly so your mom didn't guess what was going on." Jace grimaced. Heat rushed to my cheeks as the thought of Jace hearing Sebastian and I make love.

"I didn't think we were _that _loud." I whispered to Sebastian.

"Loud enough to know who was on top." Magnus teased. I felt so mortified.

"Prove it." Sebastian said with amusement and disbelief.

"Well, I'm guessing Clary was, considering that the bed squeaked every time she moaned. She rode you didn't she? And would it be so wrong to suggest there was a round two? Probably doggy style because the bed moved way to much for missionary." Magnus said with a grin, his brow raised waiting for a reply. We were both speechless.

"Didn't take you as a cowgirl Clary." Jace teased.

"I guess we don't have to wonder how Sebastian managed to get Clary pregnant." Alec said with disgust.

"He could get _me _pregnant with stamina like that!" Magnus scoffed.

"Guys, could we _not _talk about this?" I asked embarrassingly. They rolled their eyes at me.

"Zombies are roaming the earth, this is like cable to us now!" Isabelle laughed.


	7. Words Unspoken

"Why do you have to go?" I asked Sebastian. He was about to go on another run, and everytime he went out, I would almost feel sick with worry.

"It's just to get some more weapons Clary. I'll be fine." Sebastian argued.

"Promise me." I asked.

"What?" He asked in confusion.

"Promise me that you'll be fine." I stated again.

"I promise you, Clarissa Verlac, that I will be fine on my run, and that I will return." He said with certainty. I hugged him to me, never wanting him to let me go. "Hey, hey. What's all this about?" Sebastian asked gently.

"One day, this is all going to come crashing down." I mumbled through his chest. Sebastian rubbed my back, and kissed my forehead before letting me go.

"Okay, when I return, we can do something fun, deal?" He asked. I could see the devious smile on his face, and I knew what _fun_ meant.

"Is that a proposition for sex?" I asked.

"Do you want it to be?" Sebastian questioned.

"No." I laughed. I could see him frown.

"I love you Clarissa Verlac." He said to me. Sebastian crouched down and touched moderate sized baby bump. "And I love you two Ava Verlac." Sebastian said before kissing my stomach.

"But we don't even know if it's a girl!" I protested.

"Fine, if we have a boy we can name him Liam, but I like the idea of having a little girl. She'll look as beautiful as you Mrs. Verlac." He smirked.

I liked hearing him call me Clarissa Verlac, because I felt as if we were each other's. That I loved him so much, that I wanted to share his history. I looked up at eyes full of adoration. He smiled down at me, then kissed me. His full lips felt soft against mine. My lips melted to his, any separation hurting me. His arms wound around my small frame, his warmth enveloping me. Before I could continue, I could hear someone clear their throat. Our lips separated with a suction noise. My emerald eyes were met with Jonathan's.

"As much as I love seeing you two go at each other, Sebastian and I need to go on our run before sun down." Jonathan stated. I rolled my eyes, and then let go of my Sebastian. It hurt to see him go off, but before I could say anything else, my nausea kicked in; sending me running outside. I tried my best to hurry the process, not wanting to miss Sebastian leave.

I ran past a very pregnant Isabelle, almost knocking her over. I mumbled an apology before running into the living room. My eyes scanned for the truck through the window. He was gone. In that moment, I had forgotten to say the most important thing to him.

I forgot to say I loved him.

* * *

><p>Worry made me bite my lip. My fingers were tapping away at the arm of the couch. The sunlight that shone through the window was dimming by the minute. My ears were in tune with nature, waiting for the disturbance of the truck pulling in. Silence. Rebecca was pacing nervously around the room. Simon was trying to calm her down, knowing that she was thinking the worst of the late appearance of her husband. The only comfort that was brought to me, was when I looked at the small picture of Sebastian and I. I remember the day we took it, it was our <em>'wedding day', <em>or the day we dressed up and performed the ceremony. For a wedding present, my mother had given me a really old camera. It was one of those cameras that took a picture, printed it out, and then you had to shake it to show up. My mom snapped a picture of Sebastian and I kissing. I looked back on the memory with a saddened smile.

* * *

><p><em>I woke up to the empty space on my bed. No Sebastian. I frowned. Sebastian like the idea of a traditional wedding day. He wanted to destroy any <em>_possibility of us separating, so he decided he wasn't going to see me until the wedding. I didn't even know what I was going to wear! Isabelle had said that she had something planned, but I doubted I would like it. I jumped to my feet and went to the bathroom so I could take a quick shower.I didn't get much time to dry up before a loud knock was at my door. Groaning, I trudged my way over to the door and swung it open with irritation. _

_"Can you at least **try **to act a little excited Clary?" Isabelle whined. She pushed me back into my room, despite my protest. I was pushed down on the stool that stood before my vanity. Dear god the woman was going to do my make-up! As much as I tried to stop her, she had managed to hold my face still and dress my face up like a doll. I had to admit that I looked gorgeous. My skin seemed to have a glow, despite the pregnancy. Isabelle started to run her hands through my hair, and I decided that I would just close my eyes and enjoy the little massage her hands were giving my scalp. The occasional tug made me growl at her, but I didn't dare move, because even though it was my wedding day, I knew that she wouldn't waste a second trying to get me in order. I peeled open my eyes, scared that she had my hair in a style that even she wouldn't dare to try. I was surprised to see that my hair was half way up. A veil was clipped in my hair. _

_"Where did you get a veil?" I asked Isabelle. _

_"Well let's just say you owe Simon and Jonathan a lot of thanks." She teased. I frowned at the thought of putting the ones I loved in danger for a veil._

_"What's in that bag?" I asked Isabelle, nodding to the bag she had placed next to my bed. _

_"Oh you'll just love it!" She cheered. I cringed. I already knew what it was. She brought the bag to my feet and she gestured for me to open in. My hands delved into the the bag, pulling out the pink tissue paper. My arms grasped a silk fabric, and I cautiously pulled it out. I couldn't lie, it was beautiful. The bottom of the dress was layered with fabrics. If you pulled them apart, they were see through, but piled against each other, they looked like clouds. The top part of the dress was silk. There was a noticeable dip into the cleavage. I was glad that with the pregnancy, my breast were finally equal, or even greater than that of an average woman. On my shoulders rested two thick straps. My creme colored back was visible. For once I didn't feel insecure about it, because I knew that Sebastian wouldn't care if I was married in my pajamas. _

_"Isabelle it's beautiful!" I cried. Tears bubbled in my eyes._

_"Don't cry! You'll ruin your make-up!" She shouted at me. I immediately wiped my eyes, not wanting to ruin the beauty of my appearance. I slipped on a pair of white heels, and rushed to my drawers to find my something old. I pulled out the necklace my mother had given me. Isabelle handed me a pair of sapphire blue earrings which also happened to go into the something borrowed category. My mother rushed into the room and squealed with joy when she saw my dress. _

_"Clary you look absolutely breath taking!" My mother exclaimed. _

_"Thanks Mom." I blushed. _

_"Do you have the something new?" Isabelle asked my mother. _

_"Yep, you're going to love this Clary!" My mom cheered before handing me a small pearl bracelet. It looked lovely, and it managed to fit my wrist just right. _

_"Mom, it's wonderful!" I cried. The tears were coming back into my eyes, and I had to look up at the sunlight to cast them away. Luke peaked in through the door, and gasped at how beautiful I looked. _

_"Clary you look like an angel in that dress." Luke said softly. _

_"Thanks Dad." I said. I tried my hardest not to blush, or cry._

_"Sorry to interrupt the moment, but Clary you have a certain someone waiting on you." Luke hinted. I made my way to him, and looped my arm through his elbow. I took in a breath as we made our way to the backyard. I looked up at Luke before opening the door that separated us from the outdoor. Luke had a proud smile on his face, and his eyes glistened with tears. _

_"Ready?" Luke asked me. _

_"Yeah." I croaked with nervousness. I shivered at the thought of everyone staring at me. Luke opened the door, and I was met with a beautiful sight. The lawn had been trimmed, and a fabric made a pathway for me to the arch that I'm guessing Luke had made, because he of course was skilled at woodwork. Flowers were wrapped around the arch, giving it a fairytale vibe. The benches that used to sit in our front yard, were now at the sides of the pathway, seating our group. Flower petals were scattered across the ground, and the horizon was setting, giving the whole scene a warm sense. As much as I wanted to sprint to Sebastian, Luke made sure I didn't. Beautiful music filled the air as Jem played the violin, and Jace the piano that I'm guessing they moved from the music room. It shocked me to think that Jace would do that for me, considering our difficult past._

_My eyes were met with the most handsomest man I could fathom. To others, sure he was handsome, but the love that I held for him magnified that perception. He was dressed sharply in a tuxedo. His skin radiated bliss. His hair looked perfect. Magnus probably had something to do with that. All feelings of anxiety vanished at the thought of loving this man for the rest of my life. _

_When it came time for Luke to release me, I almost wanted to leap in Sebastian's strong arms. _

_"Go get em' tiger." Luke whispered in my ear. I grinned at him, as if to say thanks. The people that were seated next to us seemed to vanish as I looked at my fiance. I barely managed to say 'I do' while gazing upon my now husband. When Magnus finally allowed Sebastian to kiss me, I was almost to eager. The kiss was soft and sweet, symbolizing the lifetime of love that we would give each other. I could hear a camera go off while my soft lips were pressed against Sebastian's._

* * *

><p>My thoughts were torn apart as I heard the familiar engine ringing our through the now darkened sky. I rushed to the door and threw it open. I sprinted down the gravel pathway, trying to reach the vehicle. My feet burned, but were no where near the burn that was consuming my heart. I saw my brother get out of the truck, and he blocked my way to the truck that held my husband.<p>

"Clary..." He spoke softly to me.

"Jonathan let go! I want to get to Sebastian!" I cried, struggling in his strong grip. Desperation powered my small body, trying to get me to my husband. No matter how hard I tried, Jonathan wouldn't let go of me. I could hear his sniffles. In that moment, I knew that he was gone. I wouldn't get to see him again. I could feel my arms shaking. I could hear the movement of others, but it sounded distant. I glanced and saw them standing in the front doorway.

"I'm so sorry Clary. I'm so sorry..." Jonathan croaked. The effort I was putting to get out of Jonathan's arms was dwindling.

"No! No No _NO NO NO **NO**_!" I screamed at the night sky. I could feel Jonathan shake with sobs as he held me, and I finally sunk into his embrace. Tears were pouring out of my eyes like a waterfall. Sobs dominated my body as I shook with heartache. Jonathan stroked my head as I wailed into his chest. I fell to my knees, and Jonathan did as well, still holding me. I didn't dare let go of him, because if I did, I knew that I would fall apart.

"I'm sorry." Jonathan repeated again, his voice being altered by his tight throat. Pain was racing through my body. A piece of me was now gone forever.

"I forgot to say I loved him Jonathan!" I cried. "I didn't get to say goodbye!" I sobbed. I'll never get to wake up with him. I'll never get to see his crooked smile. I'll never get to feel his soft lips again. Sebastian would never get to see our child, and that was what hurt me more. He wanted to see this baby so much. I sobbed in Jonathan's arms for what seemed like an eternity. I could feel someone lift me up and carry me back to the house. I looked up through teary eyes to see Jace. I didn't protest, because now all I wanted to do was sleep and never wake up. This all seemed like a horrible nightmare. I clawed at my arms, trying to wake myself up.

I never did.


	8. Picking Up The Pieces

"Clary, please, eat _something_." I begged her. She looked so weak. It had been two days since Sebastian died; and it has been two days since a piece of her died with him. I felt bad for her. I don't really know what it's like to lose someone you love. I used to, still do, love her. It was that love that I cursed every time I saw her with Sebastian. I wanted so badly to be there for her when they were together. Instead I was a broken hearted man, wallowing in my own despair. I wouldn't leave her now, not in the fragile state she was in. When I held her at night, she would cry out his name, and sometimes I could hear her whimper in her sleep. I thought that she would be dehydrated from the constant shed of tears. On the night he died, she cried throughout the night. I held her to me, and she didn't protest. I don't really think she cared. That morning, she had woken up thinking I was Sebastian, and when I wasn't, her tears continued where they had left off. The next day, she was still. She didn't cry, or even talk. She just stood in her own pain. Although I was glad that she had stopped crying for the fear of losing her baby would certainly kill her, I didn't like her being so inanimate either.

"Please, for the baby." I pleaded. That seemed to grab her attention. Clary went to the kitchen and grabbed some breakfast that Jocelyn had prepared this morning, and she swallowed it down. For a brief moment, I had thought that she was going to get better, but then she set her clean plate down, and ran back to the room. I chased after her, and went in the room.

"Go away Jace." She whispered. It hurt to see her like this. She wasn't herself. She was this empty shell. She wasn't Clary. I longed for the girl who wouldn't fear putting me in my place when I got too confident. What was the point of being an ass now when she could barely say a few words at a time? The point of running without no one to chase you? Without her warm smile, I was just alone in the ever darkening cold. She was the reason i still had faith in humanity. The constant teasing reminded me of when I was a child. She wasn't like everyone else. Everyone else had this hardened survival instinct to them; all of them ready to fight; but not her. She was the person that managed to complain about the little things, like bed hair and call certain days her lazy days. She was a reminder of everything I had to lose if I lost her.

"I'm not going to leave you here alone." I promised. To be honest, I wouldn't leave her even if she was happy without me. I didn't even leave her when she fell in love with Sebastian, no matter how much it stung to be around her. Clary stumbled her way to the bed, and collapsed on it with a groan. I walked over to her, adjusting her position, and laid next to her. My strong arms pressed her softly against me, and I could feel her small hands lay on mine. I could hear the faint sobs that came from her mouth. I buried my head in the crook of her neck, trying to comfort her.

"Why are you doing this?" She softly asked.

"Because you need someone right now. I'm that someone." I stated to her. She turned her small body around and wrapped her small arms around my waist. I could feel her growing baby bump against me. I vowed to myself that I would make sure that baby grew up well. I wouldn't let her raise the baby alone, not without help. I was going to offer any sort of assistance that she needed, no matter how crazy it was. I owed this to her for being so distant with the past months.

I could feel my shirt start to moisten with her tears, and when she was sad, I was sad. That's the funny thing about love. When the other person's happy, you're happy too; but when they're sad, you're whole world comes crashing down. I would do anything to make her happy again. I would even trade places with Sebastian in death if it meant that I she wouldn't be sad anymore.

"I miss him so much Jace." Clary sobbed. I rubbed small circles into her back as she continued to cry into my chest.

"I miss him too Clary. If I could trade places with him, I would." I told her. She nodded her head, understanding my vow.

"I didn't get a good bye. I didn't tell him I-I loved him." She whispered.

"Clary, Sebastian knew you loved him. Just because you didn't say it before he left, doesn't mean he thought you hated him." I told her truthfully. I had her talking, now if I could just get her to laugh. To take a break from all the despair. "Remember the day we met, and when you woke up you corrected me for saying that your machete was a sword?" I asked. I could see the faintest outline of a smile on her face as she nodded. "I've never known someone who has faced death, and still find time to make a sarcastic remark." I joked. That got her to laugh. For the first time in two days, a laugh broke through all her pain.

"No offense, but you were a jackass." She teased at me. I breathed a sigh of relief and cradled her in my arms. She snuggled up against me, and closed her tired eyes. I felt her breathing slow, and soon I hear soft snores escape her lips. She had finally managed to fall asleep.

This time without crying.

The road to recovery was a long and agonizing journey, but I would be there every step of the way. I would be there for her at her weakest moments, when all she wanted to do was close her eyes and never open them again. When she begged to join Sebastian in heaven. I would be there when she would start to get into her old habits again. I would be her friend, brother, or maybe even the one who held her heart. Hell, I would even be her servant if it made her happy. I knew that I could never replace Sebastian, and I wouldn't want to. Sebastian was the one who professed his love to her before I could even admit my feelings for her. He was the one who risked his life getting her tampons, and wouldn't even complain. Sebastian would pull a star out of the sky just to see her smile. I couldn't imagine being half the man he was; but I will change, for her. I was brought up to believe that loving someone was to destroy them, and that being loved was to be the one destroyed.

But not loving her was the thing that destroyed me.


	9. A Foreshadow Of Events

I could feel myself coming back; slowly. There were now moments in my day where I actually smiled; but never were there moments without missing my Sebastian. I alway thought that Jace would break my heart, not Sebastian. The death of him had poisoned me with heartbreak, and slowly I was recovering. The reason I would get out of bed and take care of myself was for my baby. Our baby. I wasn't going to lose the baby along with it's father. I would surely die. Another reason why I got out of bed each day was because if I didn't, Jace wouldn't either. That was his deal. If I wasn't going to eat and bathe, he wasn't going to either.

The first week without Sebastian was consumed with the burning pain of our love leaving my body. The fire that had consumed us both with desire was leaving me, along with him. Some nights I would wake up screaming for him, begging him to return to me. Jace was always there to hold me before I could fall apart. He had never been this way with me. He was always cold and distant; now he was warm and inviting. We had switched places.

Sometimes the pain of my broken heart was too much. I would be shaking with pain as I cried out for my love. Not once did Jace leave me, even after the pain started to subside. He was hell bent on being by my side. The worst day was when I found Sebastian's old photos that he had taken of us. The memories were too painful after his passing to look back on them with happiness instead of longing.

* * *

><p><em>"Sebastian, how many times are you going to flash that damn camera at my face?" I asked in irritation. There was nothing special about what I was doing now, I was only drawing some simple pictures.<em>

_"Until death do us part Clary!" Sebastian remarked. I groaned in irritation as I set the sketch pad down. _

_"Keep it up and pretty soon that will happen Sebastian!" I threatened. _

_"Come on, you know you love me Clarissa Verlac." He teased. I tried my hardest not to smile at him, because if I did, I knew he would push for more._

_"Of course I do, even when you are being a little annoying." I admitted. Sebastian clutched his chest in fake pain._

_"My heart breaks at your cruel words Clary." Sebastian pouted. He swept his hand under his eye, wiping away a fake tear. I rolled my eyes at his little act. _

_"So why are you taking us pictures of me?" I asked. _

_"Because one day I want to tell our children of how I fell in love with your little habits." He stated. Sebastian loved to watch me draw, no matter what it was. One time I got so mad at him always looking over my shoulder, that I decided to draw him naked. He looked hurt at the picture, asking **you're not going to adjust the size of that **to me. _

_"And here I thought you just loved me for my body Sebastian." I teased at him. _

_"While your body is truly magnificent, it is all of you that I love." Sebastian promised. All irritation that I had carried in the past few minutes had vanished and I lept for him, wanting to show him how beautiful his words were to me. My lips swept across his in a sweet manor. I wasn't going to passionately make out with him while we were in the living room._

_"Am I forgiven?" Sebastian asked politely. _

_"I'm considering it." I pondered to him. _

_"So would it be so bad if I wanted to take a picture of us together right now?" He asked patiently. I groaned in refusal, but I stood next to him as he called my mother over to take a photo of us. _

_"Sebastian, we have plenty of photos of us together, why do you insist we take more?" I asked as my mom tried to figure out the right angle for the photo._

_"These aren't just photos of us as a couple Clary, but photos of our family." He said while nodding towards my growing stomach. His hands slid protectively over my bump as he spoke. I smiled at him and covered his hand with mine, just as I heard the familiar sound of a photo being taken._

* * *

><p>The thought of telling my child of their father, it seemed like a painful process. To describe the moment I knew I loved him, the times where he would take me out to the fields and we would run around together, playing like children. The picnics he would have for me. To show all the pictures of us together before his passing. I could understand now why in <em>Romeo and Juliet<em>, they had both killed each other after finding out about the others death. Heart break was a pain that could not be cured with medicine and antibiotics. The only way you could get over it was by crying and to talk about it. I wanted to suffer in silence for so long. I didn't want to even hear his name when he passed away. That wasn't an option for me when Jace was helping me. Everyday he would ask me how I was feeling, and then for a while he would hug me until I cried out all my emotions of despair and sadness. He was like a forced upon friend.

He was there for every kick and morning sickness that I experienced. He held my hair as I would empty the contents of my stomach. He would hold me as I laid down, and would rub my feet when they were swollen. At times I cursed at him for treating me like a baby, saying that I was my own woman and I didn't need his pity. He still stayed with me then. The longer he stayed with me, the more my attachment for him grew. Soon I found myself complaining about the sudden break of contact with him when we laid next to each other. Wherever I would walk, his hand was always joined with mine. He loved to tease me when I would go to take a shower, asking if I wanted him to be there with me. I was starting to laugh again. I was starting to be myself again. The sadness that had flooded my heart was ebbing away with each day.

Sometimes I would wonder why Jace was so kind and loving towards me. When I looked into his golden eyes, they would always be filled with adoration and concern. It comforted me to know he wasn't doing this out of pity. The night he carried me, he picked me up off the gravel driveway of the house, where I lay there crying out into the night sky. I didn't have to ask Jonathan how my Sebastian died. I could see the massive amount of blood shining on his black shirt. It pained me to know that he suffered in his last moments. Jonathan sobbed, saying that there was a surmounting crowd of zombies in the store they went in. Jonathan and Sebastian took separate ways, saying that if anything happened, to run. Jonathan was running through the store, grabbing supplies when a sharp wire pierced his skin. It explained the blood. It was then that Sebastian ran towards him, breaking the _don't be a hero_ rule. He distracted the creatures as Jonathan ran to safety. Jonathan waited in the car before he heard several gunshots go off, then nothing. Darkness had blanketed the sky, and Jonathan had to get home before he couldn't find the pathway. My husband had died saving my brother, and in turn, sacrificed his own life. Damn him for being so loving. Jonathan promised me that Sebastian's sacrifice wouldn't be in vain.

I could hear screams from outside my room. They were filled with pain and agony. I shuddered as I thought of the possibility of breach in our fortification. I quickly bolted out of my bed, wanting to know what was happening. My body collided with Jace's as I dashed down the hallway towards the screams. I felt my back make contact with the cold tile floor. I groaned as I cupped my stomach. Thankfully, it was him I ran into, and not a wall, or I would have been seriously worried about the health of my baby.

"Oh God are you okay!?" Jace panicked. I winced as I sat up and rubbed my back. Better my back than by stomach. Jace immediately scooped me in his arms.

"Jace I'm fine, I just hit my back." I mumbled. He had been really clingy with me after Sebastian died. He would always lay with me in bed, but I didn't mind. When I woke up, for a short moment, I would think Sebastian had returned. I knew better now. It surprised me when I woke up that Jace's hands would be at my stomach, feeling my baby kick. In a way, it was kind of as if he had fathered the child.

"Are you sure, because I could feel your stomach hit me?" He asked with intense concern.

"She's fine, look I'll show you." I said as I grasped his hand and pressed it to my growing abdomen. Where Jace's hand was placed, a soft kick made, vibrating through my soft skin. I heard Jace gasp at the kick and then he quickly composed his worried self. "So why the hell is someone screaming?" I asked him

"Izzy's in labor." He said casually. My heart rate skyrocketed as panic set in. Was she okay?

"Oh god! I need to be there for her!" I pleaded as I tried to push past him.

"Better you not see that. It's like watching the trailer of a scary movie before you go see it, considering your pretty far along yourself." He reasoned. I felt my muscles relax as I thought of how seeing my sister in law go through agonizing labor would scare the crap out of me. I had heard similar screaming when mother was giving birth to Ambra. I heard a string of profanities before I finally heard the soft wines of a baby.

"Are you going to be there with me when I'm in labor?" I asked Jace. He didn't even take a moments consideration before he spoke.

"Of course I'll be there for you. I'll even let you break my hand and scream at me for being a clingy bratt." Jace joked. I smiled and hugged him. What he was offering was more than I could ever ask for.

My moment of gratitude was disrupted by the unmistakable cry of a baby. I tore myself away from Jace as he joined me in running down the hall. I opened the large room we had turned into an infirmary and saw a small bundle wiggling around in Isabelle's arms. Sweat made her skin shine as she smiled down at her baby. Simon had tears streaming from his eyes, as did she. He slick black hair was pulled into a messy ponytail. Even though she wore no make-up, she still managed to look breath taking. When I looked over her shoulder to glimpse at baby, I gasped at the sudden adoration I felt for the small human. The baby had Simons curly hair, although it was Isabelle's black color. It's eyes were that of Simon's, a coffee brown with flecks of gold in them.

"Boy or Girl?" I asked the couple.

"Girl." Isabelle said softly as she stroked her baby's cheek.

"Does she have a name?" Jace asked over my shoulder.

"We decided on Olivia." Simon said while looking at his wife and child.

"Olivia Lewis." Jace added.


	10. Repressed Feelings

"I look _huge!" _I exclaimed. I was around seven months, and I looked like I was carrying a five year old, not a baby! My stomach was it's own continent. Hearing Jace say that I looked beautiful despite my swollen abdomen only nauseated me about how many times I've heard him say that. Of course he would say that. Who in their right mind would say something disrespectful to a pregnant woman?

"Clary, you look amazing as always!" Jace argued. I rolled my eyes and stormed off into my room. I guess I should say _our _room because there wasn't a day that Jace didn't lay down with me at night and wake up with me the morning that followed. I couldn't complain, because his warm arms wrapped around me helped me sleep; even though he did mumble a little in his sleep. I tore open my door and ran over to the mirror, where I peeled off my shirt. My stomach was so large! How could such a petite woman such as myself look so huge when pregnant? Maybe because Sebastian was so tall? Nonsense, I'm pretty sure Mom would have told me that she was as large as me right now when she was carrying Jonathan. By the angel; Isabelle wasn't even this large when she was carrying Olivia, and her and Simon are fairly tall people. I gazed at my stomach in disbelief, until the sound of the door slowly opening disrupted my confusion.

I turned my head and saw an angel; Jace. I snapped my head back to the mirror and continued gazing at my enlarged abdomen. "Clary?" Jace asked cautiously. I didn't respond to his words. "Clarissa." Jace said in a stern voice. This had gotten my attention; he never called me Clarissa. I turned to him once again, this time with a raised brow. Seeing as that was my response, he continued. "Clary, I want you to know that in all honesty, you look absolutely breath taking. That fact that you are bringing life into this world only makes you seem more beautiful to me." He said with certainty. His words made my jaw drop.

"Why do you say stuff like that Jace?" I asked him. I pulled down my shirt in embarrassment. He was so kind to me. Sometimes I thought it was because he had an ulterior motive. He seemed taken aback as to why I would ask such a ridiculous question.

"Was it not clear?" He said, as if I could read his mind. I shook my head and continued to look at him in a perplex expression. He frowned at my movement, and his brows furrowed in thought. He seemed tongue tied. I watch as his face turned to frustration, disbelief, and finally bravery; as he took a deep breath he let out his thoughts. "For my motives not being clear, I am sorry. When I say what I'm about to say, I don't want you to think I am only showing you kindness for that reason only." I nodded at his words as he took another deep breath, gathering courage. "While my feelings for you are still protective, it is not only security that I want to give you, but affection. As much as I keep denying it, I love you; and I feel as if I will never love anyone else so long as my heart remains beating inside my chest."He spoke with dignity. His words had left my skin flushing crimson. Deep down I had known that the feelings Jace had carried for me still remained, but I thought that with me being pregnant with Sebastian's child, would sever those feelings. I was wrong.

"Jace, I didn't know you felt that way, and even if I did, I wouldn't know that your feelings for me were so-so strong." I gasped. His eyes shifted to his feet; his fingers were tapping away at his thigh, as if he was playing the piano. Regret coursed through my veins as I saw his hurt expression.

"I see." He mumbled as he struggled to regain his confident composure. I could see the hope fading from his eyes. His eyes that were once full of adoration when he looked at me were now full of sadness. Full of longing. So badly did I want to go over and kiss away his hurt; but it would feel like betrayal to love someone while I was carrying my dead husband's baby. I knew that Sebastian would want me to move on, but that didn't ease my distraught feelings. I was torn between the love that I wanted to feel again so badly, and the remembrance of Sebastian. It all felt to soon. Even though I was starting to regain my life, the wounds of my broken heart still remained. My foot inched towards him, but the rest of my body protested it's movement. I wanted to scream out for him. To tell him that my feelings for him were hidden, not dead. I felt like I was watching him die in front of me. His fragile self disappearing before my eyes as the wounds of rejection shielded him. No; I wasn't going to lose him again. I agonizingly walked towards him; each step drawing a shaky breath into my lungs. _What was I doing? _He looked at me as if what he was seeing was an apparition. As if all this wound fade away like a dream.

I was face to face with him now. My breath was rapid and rough as I held up my hand and ran it up his clothed chest. His breathing was erratic as I did this. His eyes fluttered closed, his golden lashes cascading shadows across his cheekbones. The voice in my head that told me that what I was doing was wrong after the death of my beloved was growing louder. My hands cupped the back of his neck, trying to bring his head down to mine. He willingly did so, and soon we were sharing the same breath. I could feel the warmth escaping his body, showering me in his radiant presence. Jace didn't dare move an inch, fearing that I would realize the tragedy of this all and run away. I couldn't though; no matter how loud my thoughts were. It was all longing that powered my movements.

My lips brushed against his cheek, the smoothness of his shaved face feeling soft against them. Warm breath was spread across his skin as I continued my journey down to his lips. My mouth grazed the corner of his full lips; leaving me wanting more. I slid my lips over his; a small amount of space separating what would have been a kiss. His breath was warm and inviting, urging me to go on. All the pain that I had felt after Sebastian dying was distant as I focused on this moment.

Ever so slowly, I pressed my lips against his, feeling him gasp. My eyes slowly closed; desire leaving me blind with passion. I could feel Jace's hands at my hips, pulling me closer to his. As sweet as we both wanted the kiss to be, it soon grew passionate and our lips were crushed against each other, despite my protruding stomach. My hands combed through Jace's golden hair as I pressed him to me. The lack of oxygen didn't seem to deter me as I continued to shower him with affection. To show him just how badly I needed him.

A soft groan was made against my mouth, pushing me in further search for more. My tongue delved deep between his soft lips as I searched for his. Our tongues were intermingling as the kiss deepened. It was becoming apparent at the sudden stiffness that resided between Jace's legs. That only seemed to encourage me to further my desire's. I gasped into his mouth as I felt Jace's hands against the exposed skin of my back. I shuddered against him, telling him to continue.

At an agonizingly slow pace, we made our way back to the bed that he made ours. Soon, I could feel the familiar cotton under me as I was laid down on the mattress. Warm tears licked down my face as it had been so long since I felt such strong passion for someone. Jace's mouth separated from mine as he kissed them away. It became known to me that he hadn't been with a woman in a little more than two years compared to my three months. It made me feel special, despite the used feeling I carried the first time he kissed me. If all he wanted from me was sex, he wouldn't have taken his time with me; he would instead have thrown me on the bed and taken me there.

My hands wandered to the hem of his shirt, peeling away the thin fabric. He gasped as the cool air of the room kissed his skin. When I could not pull his shirt up any higher, he gladly through it over his head. The need for him that I had felt was intensified. I wanted to beg him to not be so careful with me. To tell him that I wouldn't break at his touch. I would more or less break without it. I groaned in irritation, pulling away from his mouth. Jace's expression was filled with confusion as I sat up. I shook my head at him and pulled up my shirt, showing him that I wanted him just as badly as he wanted me.

In that moment, I no longer felt embarrassingly aware of my enlarged abdomen. The desire in his eyes told me that the only thing that mattered was me, no matter how large I had gotten. I hurriedly slid the tights that had once encased my legs off my pale skin and tossed them to the floor. Jace did the same with his pants, leaving us both in our underwear. Soon enough, that wasn't a barrier between us as they too joined our other layers of clothing on the carpet. Jace held back on me, looking at me with uncertainty.

"Clary, if you're not sure about this, we can wait." He spoke with the utmost understanding of someone beyond his age. I matched his cool gaze, holding back my touch.

"Jace, I want this. By the angel I want this so badly, but only if you'll have me." I said with certainty that surprised me as the words left my lips. With confirmation, Jace presumed his hands on me, and straddled me. The sudden connection of our bodies made me gasp with desire I hadn't experienced in the months since Sebastian's passing. For so long I had felt that I would never feel this way for anyone again. That I wouldn't _want _to feel this way again; yet I found myself moaning at the intensity of passion that was beginning to rise. His movements were steady and smooth, despite my need to go faster. His grunts were animalistic as he continued his movements. A thin layer of sweat had coated the both of us, making us shine in the moonlight that crept through my window. I found my arms clawing at his, the passion that had been building up was now pushing me off the edge that remained me patient. My movements were now quick and sloppy; counteracting his loving slowness. My muscles tightened at the impact of pure bliss that I crashed after being pushed off the edge. The sounds that I had been suppressing were now escaping my lips as I clung to him; fearing my dream would end. I was plunged into feelings of passion so beautiful it hurt. I closed my eyes and bright colors burst out from the darkness of my encased vision. I could feel Jace's connection with me become tense and erratic, his emotions mimicking mine. We writhed together in the blazing feelings that we shared, shuddering as we detached from each other. He rolled off to my side, speechless. I joined him in his silence, fearing that any word that I spoke would send him running. As my breathing steadied, I could hear the distant sound of crickets outside.

"No words can describe how beautiful that was." Jace spoke breathlessly. I could feel a smile creep up my face, realizing he wasn't going to abandon me. I turned my towards him, and he the same. I gazed into his golden eyes as I tried to think of words I could say to match his. Instead I reached out and caressed his smooth jaw, keeping eye contact with him. He held my hand against his face affectionately. The words I had been trying to think up before resurfaced.

"Jace, when you told me that you, that you loved me; it scared me. All these months I felt that without Sebastian, I would never love another man again; but I was wrong. As I look at you now, it is love I gaze at you with. When you kissed me the first time, I pushed you away because I thought that you were just using me because I was the only girl in your grasp. I know now that this is not true. I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain when I was with Sebastian. I should have explained to you why I felt so distant with you. I realize now, that when I was with Sebastian, my heart was split down the middle. I loved you both equally. At the time I didn't believe that my heart could carry so much love for two separate people, but it did; and it still does." I admitted. I didn't want him to think that just because Sebastian was gone, that I had forgotten about him entirely.

"Clary I wouldn't ask you to deny the love you still feel for Sebastian. He was your husband and no one, not even me, can replace him. I have loved you since the moment you spat words of criticism at me. I still do; and I always will. The fact that you feel the same way makes me happy beyond words." He spoke. Hearing his words of understanding made me press my lips to his.

And in this small contact, I gave to him my love.


	11. The Morning After

I was scared to open my eyes. I feared that what had transpired between me and Jace was all a dream; that when I went to grab him, he would be fully clothed, instead of his bare self that we had both fallen asleep in. The morning light that shone into my room made my eyelids red as I kept them closed.

My hand slowly wandered towards the sound of Jace's peaceful snores, and it was met with warm skin. I didn't have to look in a mirror to know that I was blushing at the sudden contact that my hand had made with his sculpted abs. I couldn't help but smile at the memory of our joyous exhaustion after what we shared together. My hand continued to wander south with bravery that I hadn't known that I possessed. As the skin that my hand grazed grew noticeably _harder, _I was halted by a groan that came from Jace. I didn't dare open my eyes, for fear of seeing his reaction.

"Don't stop." I heard Jace moan. Listening to him react to my touch gave me a sense of accomplishment. My hand continued it's erotic journey until I could hear Jace panting, and I knew where my palm resided. Where my skin was soft and tender, his was swollen and hard. I peeled open my eyes to see Jace's face contorted in beautiful pain. I pressed my soft lips against his muscular shoulder, noting at how this added touch multiplied the pleasure. I kept my eyes locked on Jace's face as I continued this show of affection. It surprised me at how his happiness was my happiness. This was all very strange. When I was with Sebastian, there was never a moment where it was just me pleasuring him; if not I was the one left gasping in overwhelming joy. A part of me felt that he thought he would be taking advantage of me if he just let me work him to a screaming release.

I gently bit into Jace's shoulder as he whimpered with the exhaustion of all the emotions that were running through him. My eyes paid close attention to the way he looked when he finally was pushed off the edge of his sanity, letting go into his feelings. He shuddered against my touch as I slowed down, not wanting to leave him worn out. A rush of heat went through me as Jace expelled his utmost desires out of his body.

I dashed to the bathroom, letting him recover as I cleaned myself off. When I returned, a smirk was plastered to Jace's face. I climbed back into the warm bed with him as he wrapped me in his arms and kissed my cheek.

"Someone woke up on the right side of the bed." I laughed as I felt his smile pressed against my neck.

"I think the better term would be someone woke up on the right side of _your hand_." Jace corrected. I laughed at his joke and snuggled up against him. This all seemed too good to be true. I never thought someone could make me feel so relaxed again. I never thought that I would _let _someone do that after Sebastian.

"But that would take all the eroticness out of it." I argued. Jace extended his arm out and rubbed my protruding bump. My body was putty in his hands as his warm skin traced my abdomen. It felt nice to have someone care for me in the way he did. I was once told that it was extremely rare for lightning to strike twice in the same place, and I thought the same was true for love.

"I love you. I love _both _of you." Jace said as he continued to rub my stomach. I was once worried that Jace would see my baby as a burden; that he would never see the child as his own. As powerful as my feelings were for him, I wouldn't let any man separate me and my child. Never. It eased me to know that Jace loved the baby already.

"Jace, I want you to know that just because you love me, doesn't mean you're obligated to raise my child. If you want, you can back out now. I won't let any child of mine be abandoned." I told him. Jace's hand tensed at my stomach, and I feared he was going to run off at my words of freedom. That all of this was a one night stand.

"Clary, don't say things like that. I want you to know that once this baby is born, and even now, I will love it like it is my own. I would be honored to raise any child with you, whether it be mine, or my friend's baby that kicks inside of you." He promised. I looked into his eyes, detecting the certainty that shone bright in them. My heart thumped at each of his words.

"Oh Jace, you don't know how happy that makes me!" I cheered as I turned around and pressed my face into the crook of his warm neck. The hand that was rubbing my stomach was now tracing intricate lines against the skin of my back.

"CLARY! JACE! GET UP! I MADE BREAKFAST!" I heard Isabelle yell from the kitchen. Jace and I both groaned as we accepted the fate of our taste buds. I had never knew of someone that could cook so _badly. _May the angel help her child.

I sat up in bed, wrapping the covers around my exposed breast. I could see the look of disapproval that Jace sent me as I hid my skin from his view. I reached for a robe that hung on my bedpost and slipped it over my bare skin. Jace didn't care to hide himself as he walked over to the wardrobe that was now filled with his clothes from all the times he had helped me sleep. He slipped on boxers, and I could feel the crimson that painted my face slowly dissipate. I joined him at his side as I too scanned for some clothes to try on. I settled for a stretchy maternity dress that Magnus had given me while on a run. I smiled at how the pink dress looked nice against my pale skin. I wrapped a long-sleeved blue cardigan over my arms, noting the chilly kansas weather that seemed to set into the atmosphere. I didn't care much for my shoes, so I tied some black sneakers to my feet. I glanced at Jace who looked stunning in his casual jeans and tight red shirt. His muscles protested against the fabric as they flexed around at the slightest movement of his arms.

"Like what you see?" Jace teased. It irritated me at how a simple sentence that left his lips could leave me gasping for air.

"I like what I _can't see_." I noted, aiming my gaze at his zipper. That seemed to get him as I saw the way his radiating skin shined with embarrassment. I missed this. I missed waking up with someone after a night of passion. To know that whatever had occurred between us still remained.

"Don't worry, you'll see it soon enough." Jace commented with a smirk; his previous embarrassment leaving his tone. How he managed to hide even his deepest emotions perplexed me. One moment he could be flustered with anger; and the next he was bursting with laughter.

"I'm scared you won't be able to show as much restraint as you do now." I worried. His grin spread to the edges of his face, noting at how easily I would let him have me.

"Have a little faith." Jace pleaded with a smile.

* * *

><p>I walked with Jace; hand in hand. I wished that I knew what he was thinking. To wonder if it was only me that wanted to display this affection. His grip seemed to tighten on my hand when we approached our group; possibly fearing that I would willingly let go for not wanting to handle the disapproval of the group. I gripped his hand just as hard, feeling it pulse in my touch. When my mother greeted me good morning, she didn't pay attention to the hands that linked us together; this wasn't exactly new to the group. Jace and I had held hands before, but it was more platonic. When I sat down at our large table, Jonathan approached me.<p>

"Are you okay Clary?" Jonathan asked me, eyeing Jace for some sign that I was in distress. I was confused as to why he would ask me this.

"Why do you ask?" I questioned him.

"It's just that I heard a lot of-_whimpering?-_coming from your room last night and this morning." Jonathan clarified. Jace choked at Jonathan's words, needing Luke to violently smack his back to help him regain his breathing. I felt crimson creep into my cheeks as I knew what he was talking about. Jonathan, noting the sudden flush of red, matched my expression as he knew why I was blushing."_Oh..." _Was all he said, understanding why me and Jace had reacted this badly to his words. It wasn't a big surprise to Jonathan that I wasn't a virgin; by the angel I was around seven months pregnant! I wasn't surprised that Jonathan didn't jump across the table and stab Jace with his butter knife, because Jonathan knew how well Jace had taken care of me, and if any man was willing to deal with a pregnant me, than so be it that me and said man were intimate.

"_So_. Are we making any runs today?" I asked the group; I could still hear the faint coughing that Jace was making.

"Mark, Helen and Aline are going out on a weapons run." Luke noted as he nodded to the two light haired Blackthorn children, and to Aline; who was holding Helen's hand under the table. I listened to him as he described the plan to the three; detailing how they should enter the building with caution. He remarked several times not to be too confident and to be silent, secretly reenacting the faults of Sebastian and Jonathan. Jonathan never seemed to live his mistakes down, always sensitive around the topic of Sebastian. Everyday, Jonathan was forced to look at the scar that the sharp wire had left him on that fateful day. He was always punishing himself for the loss of Sebastian, saying that it was him that should have died. I told him constantly that there was nothing to forgive; because losing him would still hurt me. Countless times I had to remind him that Sebastian wouldn't have saved his life if he was going to spend it in his own turmoil.

"Jace?" Isabelle asked. Jace's head snapped up from his plate.

"Yeah Izzy?" He responded.

"Next time you want to end your celibacy, can you be a little quieter? You woke up Liv with the constant creaking of the headboard!" Isabelle complained. That seemed to grab everyone's attention. Alec, who was grabbing a plate, dropped it; the shattering of porcelain filling the silent room. Simon tried his best to focus his attention of feeding his daughter instead of hearing his wife.

"Izzy, I don't really think this a good topic for breakfast." Jace said. I could feel Jace's hand become sweaty in mine.

"Why not? It's about damn time you two got together!" Isabelle praised. She then directed her attention to the rest of our group. "I believe some of you owe me." She said while sticking out her hand and opening it. The group whined as they opened their pouches and pulled out small possessions like candy and tea bags. I was shocked at what I was seeing.

"_You placed bets on us!?" _I said in disbelief. My jaw dropped as I could see some of the possession not only going into Isabelle's hands, but to my _mother_, Magnus, Tessa, Emma and even Rebecca.

"Do you see any casinos?" Isabelle asked me with a raised brow. I shook my head as I continued my breakfast. As much as I hated to admit it, I did the same thing when it came to gossip in our group.

"I guess you can call it payback for betting on which one of us would get laid first when you took new members in." Alec laughed. That seemed to cool the mood as laughter erupted from our group. Jace, however didn't find this so amusing.

"Took you long enough, Herondale." Magnus teased.


	12. Happy Family

I'm shifting uncomfortably in my bed. My due date has been approaching and I desperately want to have this baby. I'm about two weeks away from my nine month mark. I can't really describe the panic that I'm in right now. So many things could go wrong when I go into labor. There could be something wrong the baby; we might have to perform a cesarean section, which wouldn't leave me in the best of luck, considering I would most likely die. If the situation ever arose, I wouldn't think twice before I decided that I wanted to be cut open so that my baby could live. Magnus says that with my small frame, it might be harder for me to give birth naturally, considering my stomach is quite larger than that of most pregnant women. As if I didn't have enough problems before.

Right now, I'm feeling an uncomfortable pain in my lower abdomen. I think I might be in labor, or it might be Braxton Hicks Contractions; I doubt that thought, because these feel sharper, more scheduled. I don't want to send Jace in a panic though. The stress of knowing that I could die having this baby is killing him. The analog clock in our room says that it's two in the morning, and Jace is sleeping right now; plenty of reason not to scare him with false labor. On second thought, hiding the pain isn't so easy, because now it feels like my insides are twisting. I'm trying my best to manage with the pain right now, biting my lip to hold in my whimpers. By the angel I hope this isn't labor.

"Clary?" I hear Jace groggily ask me as he awakens from his slumber. I can't respond, because if I open my mouth all that will come out is screams. I have tears running down my face now. God this hurts so much. "Clary!" Jace says once he sees the pained expression on my face. He quickly dashes out of bed and scoops me in his strong arms, carrying me to the door. I figure he's taking me to Magnus.

"Jace, I think I'm in labor." I whimper. He looks down at me; concern coloring his golden eyes. Jace is almost sprinting to Magnus and Alec's room now. When we finally reach the door to their room, he starts to pound on the door. A few seconds pass before a disheveled Magnus opens the door.

"What is it Herondale?" Magnus asks in an irritated tone. As his eyes adjust to the sight in front of him, they soon widen with concern.

"It's Clary, I think she's in labor!" Jace panics as I try my best to not scream in his arms. I would answer Magnus myself had it not been for my insides twisting.

"Ok, lets get her to the infirmary. I have to check if she's dilated." Magnus instructs as Jace begins to carry me through the large house. At this point, I can't hold in my whimpers. When we get the the infirmary, Jace lays me down on the bed, and a surge of pain runs through my abdomen. Sweat is layering my pale skin as I desperately try to hold in my agony. A warm liquid rushes between my legs and I look at Jace in panic, for a moment the pain is replaced with absolute terror.

"Jace...My water just broke." I whisper. Magnus is now wide awake, now certain that this is not just false contractions.

"Clary I want you to listen to me now. You're in labor. I want you to focus on your breathing, okay? Don't push until I tell you to." Magnus orders me. I swifty nod my head as I groan and pant in pain. A contraction rips through my core and I grip Jace to steady my breathing.

Oh god this is going to last _hours_!

* * *

><p>"Magnus I swear on the angel if you tell me to breath <em>one more time<em>, I will make sure that you _never _have sex again!" I scream as I grip the collar of Jace's shirt. Screw the whole _must remain calm _shit, I am bringing life into this world! I should have the right to scream as loud as I want! I hear Jace mumble a sorry to Magnus as I am yet again told to breath. This has been going on for _two hours_. I would rather be cut open than experience this pain for one more minute. I feel like every nerve is being set on fire as each contraction shakes me.

"On three I want you to push again. One.. two...three!" Magnus orders as I scream out in the worst pain I have _ever _felt. My body feels as if it's being torn apart from the inside out. I push for as long as I can before I feel a weight being lifted off of me, but surprisingly the pain still thrives. My vision is spotted as I try to manage the exhaustion and agony combination. The pain I feel almost dulls out the distant cries of an infant. My screams silence as I look down and see Magnus holding..._my baby! _The umbilical cord is still attached to it, and Jace proudly cuts it. Despite the exhaustion, I stretch out my hands to grab for the infant.

"Liam." Jace whispers as the infant is wrapped in a blanket and handed to me. Liam. So Jonathan was wrong; it wasn't a girl. It wasn't the angel he had imagined. My heart swells with love as I hold my son. I am shocked to find that it is not blood that covers his hair, but that he has my fiery locks that cover his scalp. He seems to be healthy, thank the angel. As much as I am enjoying this moment, I can't ignore the throbbing pain I still feel. Suddenly, the pain becomes sharp and clear, and I gasp out in shock. Jace grabs Liam from me; I try my best not to scream out and scare our son. Magnus looks down at me and his eyes widen. His mouth hangs open and I desperately want to know what is happening to me. To know why I am in so much pain.

"Clary, um, don't panic, well actually you should panic because if I'm not mistaken; it seems that you weren't carry just _one_ baby." Magnus says in a shaky voice. NO. I _can't _do this again! I'm so exhausted. I feel like I could pass out from either the numbing agony or lack of energy.

"Magnus, are you sure there isn't some other explanation?" Jace asks as he holds Liam. Magnus shakes his head at him and focuses on my face.

"You have to start pushing again on my count Clary." Magnus instructs. I shake my head as tears streak down my face, mixing with sweat.

"I can't do it Magnus! I don't have the strength!" I shriek.

"Clarissa Fairchild! You have survived the _goddamn zombie apocalypse_, losing Sebastian, _**Jace**! _I have no doubt that you can do this." Magnus encourages. Somehow I find comfort in his words, and I nod at him.

"Okay, I'm going to count down from three and then I want you to push. Three, two, one!"

* * *

><p>"She's so beautiful Clary." Jace murmurs as he holds Ava. I have to agree with him, she is stunning; with Sebastian's black hair and my emerald green eyes, I can't help but give an exhausted smile as I stare at them. After I had the twins, Magnus woke up my mother and she all but sprinted her way to the infirmary. She was more than happy to hold Liam while I rested. When Liam opened his eyes, I could see the dark brown color that Sebastian's were, mimic in his. Both Liam and Ava have a dust of freckles across their noses; something they inherited from me. As horrible as labor was, I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant having these two in this world. Sebastian would have been so happy to see them. To see that he was right about me having his little girl. It angers me that the opportunity was taken from him.<p>

"Jonathan, when are we going to have one!" Rebecca whined as she looked at my mother holding Liam. Jonathan looked back at Rebecca with surprise.

"I didn't even know you _wanted _kids." Jonathan gasped.

"Of course I want children! I just wanted to know if wanted to have them too." Rebecca answered.

"Guys, we're not trying to repopulate the Earth." I added. The both gave each other a look that read _we'll talk about it later. _

"So how are you guys going to manage two kids? I have enough trouble with Liv!" Isabelle asked in disbelief. Now that it was mentioned, I didn't really know the game plan.

"Jace Herondale can handle children, Isabelle." Jace commented. While Jace's intentions were good, raising children was hard work.

"It seems easy at first Jace, but then the sleepless night will start to get to you. Then your sex drive will crash and burn as you try to deal with the dirty diapers and an exhausted woman who keeps telling you that it's your turn to change the diapers." Simon teased.

"Simon, you make it sound as if his life is going to be destroyed!" Isabelle remarked.

"Kidding Izzy." Simon smirked. While everyone thought that having a baby would ruin Simon and Isabelle's relationship, they couldn't have been more wrong. Having Olivia seemed to make their marriage stronger and they seemed to be enjoying parenthood.

"I'm placing a bet now that Liv and Liam are going to be a thing when they get older!" Magnus chimed.

"I second that!" Isabelle agreed.

"No. My daughter will not be aloud to date until she is _at least _thirty!" Simon contradicted.

"What's wrong with my son, Simon?" I asked.

"Fine, if we're going to play this game, then I'm betting that Ava and Tessa's son James will date when they become teenagers!" Simon argued.

"Ok Rat, I see your point." Jace mumbled as he held Ava. All of this seemed to be too good to be true. I had a family now. I gave birth to two healthy babies. I was with a man I loved. Everything seemed to be falling into place. As our supplies increased, so did our fortification. With each new member, we were able to accomplish more. Our group was becoming more efficient when going on runs. It seems like the only one time we failed was when.. when Sebastian died. Tragic how the one time things didn't go right, we lost a good man. We were learning how to farm, and learning how to rely less on electricity and more on nature. Holidays were now being celebrated again. As winter rolled in, so did the Christmas decorations. Things were starting to be the way they were before the disease broke out. It seems now all we were waiting for was a cure. As close as that possibility seemed, it was very far from our reach. I couldn't complain though.

As horrible as things were, they were also the best they could be.


	13. First Comes Marriage

"So how long until we can have sex again?" Jace asked with anticipation. Of course he was thinking of that. It had been around two weeks since the twins were born, and we still had about seven more to go before I could start being, _intimate _with him. I told Jace that we would start having to use precaution now that I wasn't pregnant anymore. He didn't seem to mind as long as he could be with me. Not that he had any other option.

"I'll tell you when." I mumbled as I fed Liam. Jace groaned at the thought of having to go through celibacy again. Through the entire time we had been together, not a night had there been when all we did was lay next to each other. I didn't really seem to mind as I was the one who insisted on it. He decided to put his thoughts elsewhere as he turned his attention to his daughter. He smiled at her as he watched her kick her feet in enjoyment. Ava was laying down on the floor as she looked up at the little toys that hung above her. Her emerald green eyes shined with glee as she squealed at the little bee that was buzzing close to her face. Ava's black hair was tied up with a pink bow, despite how many times she tried to grab at it.

"I lied when I said I could only love you. Just looking at our children is just too much for my heart." Jace said. He then proceeded to dramatically fall to the floor while gripping his chest. This seemed to scare Ava and she started to whimper. Jace immediately felt guilty and pulled his daughter into his arms. "Oh sweetheart I'm sorry. Daddy didn't mean to scare you!" Jace explained to his infant daughter who most likely couldn't understand a word he was saying. Ava whined in Jace's arms as he gently rocked her into relaxation.

"You're going to spoil her rotten." I commented at the display of adoration that Jace made. I didn't really care at how much Jace spoiled our daughter, as long as he remained reasonable.

"I'm going to show her every chance I get that I love her. My father didn't care to even show me that my existence mattered. He would tell me that I shouldn't have been born. That the woman he loved wasn't my mother. I'm going to be a better father than mine ever was and could have been." Jace replied as he cooed at Ava. Her previous fright was now gone and replaced by the same glee she held before.

"Jace, I'm sorry that you had to experience that." I apologized.

"Don't be sorry for things that you had nothing to do with Clary. I'm just glad that I have you three now." Jace explained.

"So what were you doing before I found you all those years ago?" I asked him, careful not to sound too intrusive.

"My father was a military man, and when he died, my mother killed herself. I was left all alone until they adopted me. Maryse and Robert Lightwood treated me like their own son. When the outbreak happened, we had planned to stay here in Kansas. One day when my parents were going out to grab so food, a horde of zombies ambushed us. My younger brother Max... he ran into them when he was going into the garage to grab his toys. By the time my parents heard his screams, it was too late. By the angel they should have carried their weapons with them; maybe then would they have survived. When we found them like that, lying there on the floor as they were being devoured by those _monsters, _the only thing we could do was torch the place. After that, me, Alec and Izzy just traveled the roads looking for a place to sleep or find some food." Jace spoke quietly as he looked into Ava's green eyes. My heart shuddered with compassion as all I wanted to do now was hug him. Jace noted the look of grief I held to my face as his own expression grew with concern."Clary, I want you to know that I'm happy now. Happier than I ever thought I could be." He said while looking into my emerald eyes. I nodded at him and focused my attention on Liam; his eyelids growing heavy with sleep as they closed. I combed my hand through his soft copper hair, seeing as how he lacked my curls, but he had waves instead. Seeing as he was falling asleep, I decided to put him in his crib, wrapping him in a blanket that had been selected for him when his father still lived.

"Do you think that Liam and Liv will really be together when they get older?" I asked innocently. Truth is, I didn't care who my children decided to be with, but more like if they would survive that long, if _I _would survive that long. All this uncertainty was starting to take control of me. Better to focus on the little things like your childs dating life than their lifespan.

"How ironic would that be? The man I call a rat's daughter being with my son." Jace pondered at the thought.

"I still don't know how you manage to get her to go to sleep." I said in disbelief as Jace gently swayed Ava in his strong arms. Liam was fast asleep in his crib. The blanket that wrapped him was one his father had picked out for him on a run.

"I seem to have my luck with beautiful women." Jace teased. I smiled at how loving he was to the twins. He would never complain when they would stir awake at night and one of them needed a diaper change. It was like the man didn't need sleep!

"Don't push that luck Herondale." I laughed as he situated Ava in her crib. He looked at me cautiously before he spoke again.

"You like to tease me with that, but maybe one day that will be your last name." He spoke. Jace and I didn't really talk about marriage. It didn't seem like a big deal to me now that the world had ended. It was Sebastian who wanted to have a ceremony, not me. I could care less about the ring exchange. To be called someones wife was enough for me. I thought in silence for a few moments before responding to Jace's words.

"Jace, if you want to get married, than we'll get married. If you want to just remain awkwardly calling me Clary Fairchild, than be my guest." I said.

"Really? You would do that? You would want to marry me?" He asked in shock.

"Yes Jace. We both love each other, so why not?" I questioned. Jace walked toward me and lifted me off my feet, spinning me around. It took all my effort not to scream at the sudden display of affection. His mouth collided with mine as he set me down, sealing our compromise. Our kiss was separated as Jace knelt down on one knee. I could feel the rush of excitement course through my veins as I waited to hear the words that I knew were going to come out of his mouth.

"Clary, words cannot express how much love I carry for you. When I found you, I found a piece of myself that I had thought I lost many years ago. It scared me at how much I loved you on the first day we me. You were this ball of energy that I couldn't stay away from. If you were in my head at the time, you would have seen how jealous I had gotten when I saw Simon hug you. Jace Herondale had never been jealous before. I tried to play it off like I didn't want to be around you, but it was so _hard _when I would be training with you and all you had on was a bra and tights. The day that I first kissed you, I had never felt something so intense. To be with you was to love you, and love was something I was taught to think would destroy me. When you pushed me away, I had thought that you regretted it; that your feelings didn't match my own. They day that I found out that you were with Sebastian was the day that I died Clary. I felt so sick for a long time. He was my friend, and I wanted to be happy for you two, but I was too stubborn to be. When you told us that you were pregnant, I thought I would never have you. That carrying my friends child would certainly make you guys inseparable. While everyone was planning your wedding, Sebastian asked if I would play the piano for the ceremony. At first I wanted to laugh at him for think that I would ever stoop so low, but then I thought of how happy that would make you, so I did it. The day that Sebastian died, all I could think of is _Jace Herondale, you will help her through this. She might hate you for it in the beginning, but she'll thank you later. _So I picked you up off that gravel pathway and promised myself that I would never leave you. My feelings for you seemed to grow stronger as I spent time with you. I found myself starting to care for the health of the baby immediately after I had helped you sleep that first night. On the first night we had made love, I thought I would die from feeling such great amounts of joy. I never thought that I would ever feel that way when I was with somebody. I was wrong. When you gave birth to the twins, my heart swelled with love as I looked at them. They looked like angels to me. Love was a foreign language to me, but you are my translator. I never understood why people acted so foolish around each other when they were together. I never understood why people cared to hold hands or even hug for the matter. I understand now. Whenever I see you, all I want to do is hold you, to protect you from danger. For the rest of my life, I want to remind you of how much I love you, that is if you will take my hand in marriage?" Jace asked. I was speechless at the beauty of his words. For so long I had felt empty. Felt the weight of my mourning after Sebastian's passing. This all seemed impossible. To love someone again after love seemed to be a once in a lifetime sort of thing. Tears of joy slid down my face as I looked at the ring Jace held in his hand. It wasn't a typical engagement ring. On it was a letter H and engraved birds surrounded it. His family ring.

"Yes!"I cheered as Jace slid the band on my finger. I stared at it in wonder as I lept into Jace's arms. We both tumbled to the bed; his legs straddling me.

"Not so fast big boy," I said, glancing at the strained fabric of his pajama pants,"We still have to wait a little while for those activities." I laughed. Jace groaned in frustration as he wrapped me in his arms and held me in his warm embrace.

"I guess this'll have to do, _for now." _Jace foreshadowed. I rolled my eyes and kissed his cheek, loving the warmth it gave me.

"I love you." I whispered to Jace as he held me.

"I love you too." Jace said with closed eyes. The desire that had once been in his voice was now gone as it was replaced with sleep deprivation.

The last thing I felt before I drifted off into sleep was the light weight of my ring, and the warms arms that encased my small frame.


	14. Trying

**Rebecca**

"I thought you said you were faster than me?" I teased Jonathan as he tried to catch me in our room. I was giggling like someone who had gone mad; not that he wasn't either.

"I said that I was faster than you at _some _things." Jonathan retorted as he lept for me. His surprise attack left me defenseless. I think his main goal was to pull me to him, but instead he just ripped the button of my shirt off, leaving me exposed. He took in a breath to look at my revealed skin, and I could not help but blush at his wondering eyes. I was going to walk toward the wardrobe to get another shirt when he decided to take his off to. His bare chest looked lovely with muscles I could not help but to appreciate. So long ago did I see him as my friends older brother. Truth be told that I always saw him as beautiful in a strange way. His luminescent hair and pale skin made him look flawless, like he was too good to be mine.

"What are you doing?" I asked him. He was slowly approaching me with a predatory gaze.

"I thought this was how you make babies? Unless my mother was wrong." He teased. I gazed at the shirt he had left lying on the ground like so many times before. They way he looked at me now, it was like our wedding night; he saw me as a treasure that he still had trouble believing was his. My skin ached for his touch, but if tonight was going where I thought it was; I was going to try something different. No longer would I be the first one to be gasping out in vibrating pleasure; no, tonight was a night where we were equal. A small part of me still wondered if he was doing this all for me. That he would give me anything to make me happy, including a family.

"Jonathan, you know you don't have to do this if you're not ready." I spoke with an understanding tone. The room was hot with our body heat, but a cool breeze from the window sent chills against my exposed stomach. Goosebumps spread across my skin with a mixture of arousal and a cause of changing temperatures.

"What? Why wouldn't I want to start a family with my beautiful wife?" Jonathan replied. I didn't wait to hear any more of his response, I just grabbed him and couldn't wait for him to change his mind.

I cupped his neck and pressed his lips to mine. His calloused hands slid up my bare back, stopping to search for the hook of my bra. I smiled as I push him away. He groaned in frustration as I pushed him against the warm bed. I admired him in the moonlight. His platinum looked stunningly white in the luminous glow that enveloped the room. I crawled to him on the bed like a lioness stalking her prey. He looked at me with interest as I continued my actions, running my hands up his muscular chest. I stretched my body out across him and was now laying on him. I didn't allow him to touch me, this was all my movements.

I slowly slid my lips against his, relishing in their softness. After a few moments, I allowed his tongue to delve into my lips, listening to him moan at this slight amount of freedom he was granted. When I grew tired of kissing, I separated our lips. My legs straddled his hips, my bravery increasing. I ran my palms up my stomach and stopped them and my chest, allowing him to see the special hook that resided between my breasts. I bit my lip as I undid the clasp and allowed myself freedom of the cotton chamber. His slight stiffness was now that of a rock as he watched the show in front of him. I leaned in close to Jonathan and resumed my kissing, letting my chest fall against his. Every now and then, I could see the slight move of his hands as he tried to contain his excitement, loving my dominance.

Yet again I straddled him, but this time my objective was different as I ran my hands to the zipper of his jeans. Jonathan swallowed in anticipation as my hands worked on the metal. I slid his jeans down his strong legs, careful to take my time. Once the fabric was off his legs, I tossed them to the floor and resumed my position on his waist, noting at the lack of separation. My hands roamed to the tie of my shorts, then I paused. I reached for Jonathan's hands and allowed them to touch the waistline of my shorts. I raised my eyebrow at him and his fingers started to work the knots of my apparel, wanting nothing to come between us. The tie being undone, the shorts hung loose to my waist and I slid them off, kicking them to the floor.

The only thing that came between our heated bodies was the thin fabric of our underwear. I journeyed my hands up his pale legs and resided them at the part of his boxers that seemed to rebel against the fabric. Jonathan was groaning as I rested my hand against his tenderness. I smiled down at him before sliding the fabric down to witness him in all his glory. My underwear soon joined his on the floor as I could no longer contain the heat of my passion. Returning to my position, we soon were one as his hands gripped my hips to stifle his panting.

We moved together like waves in the ocean; during a storm. My hands ran up my chest and tangled themselves in my hair as my core heated in unmanageable happiness. Jonathan's hands, no longer resting at my hips, traveled up to my chest and remained still at my smooth globes. I moaned out in excitement as we continued to rock together in a rhythm mastered by our love. My palms dropped to his as I held him against me, wanting to feel the pressure against my sensitive skin. Jonathan was now grunting in the pleasure that was rising between us. My breathing was erratic as I tried to contain myself, wanting to prolong this moment.

"_Harder." _I gasped out in my light tone. Our skin grinded against each other with such friction I thought the fire that was in us would escape and consume us both. The longer we remained like this, the harder it was to focus on being rhythmic and not sloppy as we tried to bring ourselves to cry out in bliss. My consciousness was thrown out of my mind as all I could manage to think about was the release I desired.

"Rebecca." Jonathan moaned as his speed picked up to match mine. Pain was mixed into our movements as the speed removed the delicate pleasure and replaced it with a deadly passion. Over and over we cried out each other's name as we continued to slam our bodies into each other. The volume of our voices increasing as time ran out for resistance. My body collided into a joy like no other; stars clouding my vision. Jonathan's eyes glazed over as he continued his manual thrusts. Flame spread out through my skin at an agonizingly slow pace as we continued. Hot tears slid down my beautiful complexion as in this moment, we each other's. There was no danger, no threat of existence. Only us. Our love wrapped us up, failing to contain our screams of delight. So badly did I want to erupt in the flame that singed my thoughts of reason. My nerves were electrocuted as the last of my excruciating passion sunk into my core, joining my husbands.

"I love you Jonathan." I gasped as I squeezed my eyelids shut, fearing blindness caused by the flames.

"Oh Rebecca, I want to create this baby with you." He panted before he cried out once more. I silenced our screams by slamming my lips to his. Our mouths filled with a deafening volume. Tears spilled over my brown eyes as the fire escaped the both of us. I cried out in a beautiful exhaustion as I went limp. All the previous time we had been intimate with each other were all rushed. We never took the time to truly marvel at each other. To gaze at the love we both held for each other. No longer did I want to do that. As long as we had each other, I was going to take my time with him.

I waited for the stillness of his breath before I would speak again. A chilling relaxation set in my body, my joints becoming unhinged and liquidized. "That was different." I commented as my cheek was plastered to his sweaty chest.

"It was beautiful." He commented. I could feel his drying hands reach up and stroke my back, deepening my relaxation.

"That reminds me of our wedding night." I laughed as I lay sprawled upon him.

"Our position was a little switched on our wedding night Rebecca." He argued in friendly tone. I felt my chest vibrate with laughter at his words.

"Oh right, and we weren't on the bed." I remarked. Jonathan's chest bellowed with laughter at this.

"Do you think we did it?" He asked.

"Did what?" I responded.

"Make a baby?" He clarified.

"I don't know, I guess we'll just have to keep trying until we're sure." I teased.

"I like the sound of that."


	15. Blast From The Past

"Are you sure you don't want to come? We might need you two for extra hands." I asked Rebecca and Jonathan.

"No, Rebecca's feeling ill and I want to watch her, why not just take Tessa and Jem?" Jonathan asked me. I shrugged at them and decided to question them about it later. I could see how Jonathan thought Rebecca was ill, she had been vomiting lately, and her appetite was a little more ravenous. I didn't want to infer that she was pregnant, I was going to leave that for Rebecca to tell; plus, simon would be a little grossed out if I just thought that out loud.

"Mom, are you sure you can handle them?" I asked my mother who seemed to be having fun playing with Ambra and the twins.

"Clary, I know it's hard to leave them, but it will be fun getting out there in the nine months you've been home." She argued. I was a little scared to go back out on a run, and the last time I did was with Sebastian. I'm ninety five percent sure that they were conceived out on a run. This is going to suck.

"Okay fine. Jace? Quit messing with your hair and get in the damn truck." I snapped at him.

"Looks like someone wants angry sex." He mumbled under his breath.

* * *

><p>"What's the game plan?" Simon asked from the back seat. We had been on the road from an hour, decided to branch out a little farther since it was around twelve.<p>

"Don't get killed." Jace retorted. I looked in the rear view mirror to see Simon roll his eyes. I still don't know why Jace loved to tease him so much. Must be a pride thing.

"I miss the days when Britney Spears still played on the radio." Isabelle sighed. Although I didn't necessarily wish for Britney Spears, I would have listened to elevator music if it meant not hearing the distant moans of zombies we passed.

"So do I." Added Magnus. I couldn't help but snort at his words. I looked out my window to see the destruction of the world around me. It was all very depressing. Thick layers of grass climbed over cars and roads. Trees were growing out of sidewalks and cars were so rusted that each one looked orange. Zombies stumbled across pavement; searching for a meal. Screams no longer filled the sky as they used to. Wildlife was scarce; all of them prayed upon by zombies. Dried blood painted most things. Buildings were crumbling without maintenance. There were large cracks on the roads that had remaind. I looked up at the sky, noting the occasional crow. The weather was perfect and the sun was shining. Long ago, this would have been a day where children ran around playgrounds. Where families went out on picnics. Where the occasional jogger would pass you on the sidewalk. It pained me to see the drastic difference. Had our civilization been more organized and less differentiated, maybe a cure would have been developed by now, and so many people wouldn't have lost their lives.

"McDonalds seems to be doing just fine." Alec commented as we passed one on a highway. It was unbelievable to see the shining golden arch still standing. The bricks remained still. I shook my head at the perfect building that we passed. I could see the heads of zombies lift as they heard the truck passing. The leaves that clung to their branches moved along in the breeze that flowed through the atmosphere.

"So where are we going?" I asked Jace.

"Before I met you, Me, Izzy and Alec had passed some camps. I noticed they had a lot of medical supplies when we went there. We had to leave it though because it all went to hell when someone who was bitten got in." Jace answered. I nodded at his words, a little uncertain about the amount of zombies we would have to take down. The more people there were, the more of those things we would have to kill.

"Where is it?" I asked. I prayed that this camp was a distance away from cities.

"See those little tents up there?" Jace asked, nodding toward the group of blue tarp in the distance. At least the suburban houses were on the other side of the highway.

"Yeah." I responded.

"That's where." He clarified. Around the tents were dozens of emergency vehicles. None looked damaged. I thought for a brief second I saw one of them flash. Probably just a reflection. My hand tightened around my machete. It had been a long time since I had gripped it's handle. Around my neck, I could feel the chilling coldness of my wedding ring when I was married to Sebastian that hung on a chain. I placed my left hand on it, hoping that in some way he could still protect me like he said he would.

* * *

><p>My feet crushed the green moss that lay on the ground as I got out of the truck. I glanced around to find no zombies. <em>Weird<em>. While there was no doubt that blood had been spilt here, there wasn't as much as I had thought there would be. The smell of food scented the air which made me a little cautious of the situation. When the world had been turned over, people became a lot more protective of their stuff. Countless times there would be groups of people shooting at each other of simple things; whether it be guns or cars. I once witnessed a group of men take out a family for the food they had been carrying. Sometimes it was hard to remind myself of who I was fighting.

"And you said this placed got destroyed?" Magnus asked with a raised brow; questioning Jace's sanity.

"Yeah, I was sure of it." Jace answered with an irritated tone. Wires crossed between tents where clothes hung from them. Suspicion entered my mind as I walked over to them. _Wet_. I rubbed the fabric to find my hand moist with water. My heart raced as I knew someone had been here. Multiple people actually. This is not good, this is _very _bad. In the I looked on the floor to see shell casings littering the grass. Shit.

"Jace, we're not alone." I whispered. I turned to face him, when I heard the familiar sound of a gun's safety being turned off. I looked into Jace's eyes as I saw the fear that crossed them.

"Might I ask why you're invading our home?" I rough voice said behind me. The man must have been tall, because his gun was angled down as it pressed against the back of my head. I closed my eye and gripped my machete. The voice sent chills down my spine. It was full of malice and had a threatening vibration to it. I opened my lids to see that my Jace had his gun aimed above my head. "Drop the sword." The man whispered into my ear. It didn't seem like a good time to correct him on his choice of words, so I dropped it.

"Drop the gun." Jace growled. I could hear the man laugh with amusement as the gun still pressed to my head. Taking a deep breath, I slowly turned my head and I was met with a stunning sight. The man in front of me looked like Jonathan, but the lines on his face revealed him to be twice his age. I shivered as I took in his presence.

"Jocelyn?" The man whispered as he lowered his gun. I was so confused as to how this man had known my mothers name. Maybe he grew up with her?

"How do you know my mother?" I asked through a dry throat. The man looked taken aback when I asked him this, and then it all hit me at once. I had seen pictures of the man. Not really pictures, just photos of Jonathan and Mom with a mans arms around them both, his face scratched out. A mixture of anger and fear flooded in my veins. Mom had said that he was a monster. That he used people to get what he wanted. That nothing was beneath him. I looked into his dark eyes, seeing how the kindness that Jonathan had was missing in this man's pupils.

"Your mother?" The man asked in a suspicious tone.

"Yes, my mother is Jocelyn Fairchild." I clarified.

"So she's here?" He asked in a tone that hinted at hopeful.

"Depends." I said with squinted eyes.

"How old are you?" He asked with suspicion that matched mine. I knew why he was asking.

"And you ask this because?" I spat.

"Answer the question." He growled at me; his curiosity being replaced by anger. I didn't want to irritate him further, knowing how short of a fuse he carried with him.

"I'm almost nineteen." I responded sharply. The mans threatening demeanor seemed to vanish once again as he looked at me, eyes wide with realization.

"It's not possible." He whispered as he gazed at me. I raised my brow at him before I heard Jace clear his throat behind me.

"Mind backing away from my wife?" Jace snarled. The man in front of me turned his attention towards Jace, his lips thinning in irritation.

"Mind letting me meet my daughter?" The man asked in an irritation that matched his expression. Knowing someone might be your father, and then hearing it clarified is different. Simon gasped behind me and despite being impossible, my face seemed to grow even paler.

"Valentine." I gasped. I slowly started walked backwards, Valentine didn't seem to mind it, knowing that he could easily take me down.

"Ah, so your mother _has _told you about me!" He cheered. I don't know whether I prefered him to be threatening me, or using false happiness in his sinister voice.

"Yes she has told me about you, about how you went insane. How you experimented on your _own son _with drugs that you intended to start selling!" I snapped at him. This only seemed to make him grin at my little outburst.

"Leave it to your mother to not see the scientist in me." He sighed. I felt disgust rising in my throat as I desperately wanted to get away from this man."How are you here anyways? I thought your mother moved to new york with that coward?" He questioned.

"Hey jackass, did you not see that the world ended?" I snapped.

"So she's at the farm?" Valentine laughed. Fear rose to my head as I worried he would try and hurt me.

"She's dead!" I shouted; hoping that I sounded truthful. Somehow this seemed to shake him. His brows furrowed in anger and his fists clenched. For a minute, it was silent. Suddenly, he raised his hand in the air and masses of people came running out of the distance. The had their guns and weapons aimed at my group. I wanted to sprint over to Jace and hold him to me. I feared that I wouldn't get to return to my children.

"Take them to the prisons." He snapped. I felt cold hands gripping my arms as I struggled to remain standing. I elbowed the woman that held me and with a curse of words, she held her gun like a stick and smacked the end of the rifle into my skull. Darkness flooded into my eyes, and the last thing I saw was the sinister angel smiling down at me.

* * *

><p>I awakened with a pounding in my head, and a cold solidity under me. I peeled my heavy eyes open and saw that I was in a small room. Bars replaced the door, and instead of being placed on the bed, I was laying on the floor. I groaned with a headache and shut my eyes closed again. I reached for my waist, frowning at the loss of my dagger and gun. I felt a warmth surround me and I quickly snapped my eyes open again. Someone was leaning over me. I was at a loss of words. All I could manage to do was gasp, trying not to scream. This was impossible. This couldn't be happening. Those eyes. I remembered them from my wedding day. I remembered the way they looked at me as we laid together in bed. I remembered them the day that I had lost a part of me. My son's eyes shimmered in the man that leaned over me. His dark hair wasn't as long as I remembered it to be. His face still remained shaved, though there was slight stubble. How beautiful he still looked; despite the shadows that cascaded under his eyes. The strong man I had once remembered was now a little skinnier, but still muscular. He looked more like Jonathan instead of Jace now. His hand slid to cup my cheek, the warmth I remembered still remained.<p>

"Clary." Sebastian whispered as he gazed at me.


	16. Unforgivable

"No! You can't be alive! I'm going insane!" I screamed as I backed into the corner of the prison cell. I watched Sebastian remain where he once was, waiting patiently for me to calm down. There was no way this was happening. It wasn't possible! I started to cry as memories of his death plagued me. All the pain I had went through when he died. My heart was beating out of chest with so many thoughts racing through my head.

"Let me explain Clary." Sebastian whispered. Explain what!? Seeing as I didn't protest, he continued. "On the day, the last day I saw you, Jonathan and I were running through a store, I heard him scream and I yelled at him to shut up because even though no zombies were around, they could still be attracted by noise. When I went over to see what he was yelling about, I saw this man hovering over him. Later I found out it was his father. Your father. I saw how scared Jonathan was. How this man had terrified him in his dreams. I had to do something. You had told me enough times that your father experimented on your brother when he was little. I got an idea. We were surrounded by Valentines men, and I knew only one of us was going to get out. I told him I was his son. I told him that the drugs he had tested me with had affected my hair color. He believed it, and then he told me to kill your brother. I sliced Jonathan in the chest, hoping it had looked like I stabbed him, and we left. I told him to tell you I was sorry, but to not tell you that I had survived, because I knew you would go after me. I couldn't let you lose your brother. _Please forgive me_." He explained. The fear that had ran through me was now turning into a blinding rage. I went over to Sebastian and cracked my hand across his face. He stumbled back in shock, a red mark pressed against his face. I stood there, shocked that my anger had made me did that, yet my rage didn't falter. A year ago, I would never have fathomed that I could even raise my hand to him, now it took all my strength not to inflict more damage.

"I cried every night thinking you were dead! I had to wash the sheets because they smelled like you! I didn't eat for two days! I had to get over you! You_ ruined _us! Did you know how hard it was waking up every morning knowing that you wouldn't be at my side?! For _months, _I didn't allow myself to feel anything! If it weren't for Jace, I would have wasted away! Do you even _know _how hard it was hearing from my brother that you had died. I cried for so long; all I wanted to do was go to sleep and **never **wake up again! If it weren't for the pregnancy, that's what I would have done! I had to go through labor without you! You can't possible asking for forgiveness when you did such a thing!" I screamed at him. Sebastian looked at me with tears in his eyes. A part of me wanted to forgive him for what he had done, but this was too much a favor to ask.

"Did you have a boy or girl?" He whispered through whimpers.

"Both." I sharply replied. This baffled him.

"Both?" He repeated.

"Yes, as in a boy and a girl. Liam and Ava Herondale." I said. I felt a twinge of guilt as I added Herondale to the end of my sentence.

"Why Herondale? Why not Verlac?" He asked in a tone that lost it's previous sadness, replacing it with slight anger.

"Because you take your husbands surname when you get married." I replied with irritation.

"You married him!" He snapped. His words angered me; as if he had done nothing wrong.

"Yes I married him! He was there for me! He picked me up from the floor that you dropped me on! He was there for every morning sickness and kick! He held my hand through all the contractions! He listened to me when I cursed at him for being so kind as I gave birth to your babies!" I screamed at him. Sebastian facial expression was that of someone who had been kicked in the stomach.

"Never once did I stop loving you the entire time I was here! I did all this for you! Every night I had to remind myself that you were safe so I could finally rest! My " He shrieked at me.

"Don't blame this on me! Don't blame the fact that you hid your survival from me!" I argued.

"I couldn't Clary! I couldn't tell you I was alive or else you would look for me and then Valentine would find you!" He pleaded with me. Anger boiled my blood and I pulled out a picture of Liam and Ava out of my pocket.

"You left them Sebastian! You didn't just leave me!" I snarled. Sebastian took the picture in his hands, gasping at his childrens faces. I saw his eyes watering at the photo. "They have a father now Sebastian. Jace has been there for all the diaper changes, risked his life to get them toys, he has loved them like his own children!" I continued.

"He's wanted you before I even joined your group!" He argued.

"And I chose you!" I snapped back.

"_Chose, _as in no longer standing with your decision because you were too busy fucking him to care!" Sebastian cried in betrayal.

"_How dare you!" _I growled.

"I wasn't even gone that long and you were already sleeping with him!" He yelled at me. A growl emerged from my throat and my face was flushed with anger.

"I had to get over you or I would simply die from the grief you put me through!" I reasoned. The anger that captured in his face calmed down to a look of guilt. I pulled the necklace that held our wedding ring on it. "I never took it off, even after I married him." I said softly as I handed it to him. He held the band in his hand as if it would break at the slightest touch.

"I'm sorry I left you." He whispered.

"Me too." I snapped.

"What happens to us now?" He whispered. I couldn't believe he could ask me that.

"There is no _us _Sebastian. I love Jace now. I've moved on." I snapped.

"You can't mean that Clary. I know you love me. You can't give up on us!" He pleaded. I shook my head at him; my eyes were dry as opposed to his wet ones.

"I"m not the same girl you fell in love with Sebastian. I can't even look at you right now. You almost killed me when you left me. To forgive you is one thing, but to love you again is like asking the angels to bring back the dead." I denied.

"My children need to grow up with their father!" He argued.

"They have a father!" I snapped.

"What? Jace? He's not their _real _father!" He growled.

"If and when we get back, I'll let you be in their lives, but I'm not getting back together with you." I stated.

"You're the only woman for me, Clarissa! It hurts just thinking about him with you, I would certainly go mad if I had to watch you show him your affection everyday!" He reasoned.

"Deal with it. I had to live everyday knowing you were dead. Reliving my last moments with you. For so long I had to hold back my feelings for Jace because I felt like I was betraying you. That you would be angry with me. Then I thought that you would have wanted me to move on. That you thought I deserved to be happy again. The man I see in front of me is not the same man I loved all those months ago. The man that I see now is a selfish person wearing his face." I replied.

"So that's it? You're going to throw our marriage away then?" Sebastian asked with disbelief.

"I'm not the one who threw it away." I said with a cold tone to my voice. This conversation had left me exhausted. It had seemed like a dream for me to see him again. To see him was now a nightmare. The old part of me that loved him wanted me to accept his offer, to fall back into his arms again. An even greater part said that he didn't deserve it.

I listened to the latter.


	17. A Family Divided

Silence and anger filled the small prison cell. In the distant, I could hear a pair of footsteps nearing. I wasn't even scared, I just wanted to get out of this room with him. Everything we had yelled at each other. I didn't want it to be true. I wanted to fall into his arms and never let go of him. My damn pride got the best of me. To see him cry, it hurt so much. I never wanted to be the one to do that to him. He left me though. He could have given me some reason to believe that he was alive. Given me some glimmer of hope. We could have been together. I can't bring myself to love him though. I love Jace and Jace only. I miss the times where we were each others though. To look back at all the times he had been there for me was nice. It hurt to see how different from the man I fell in love with. He can't take that back though. My heart was split in half. There was the half that loved Jace to no end, and then there was the half that wanted to try and work things out with Sebastian. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lead either men along. This was like the night I had realized my feelings for both of them, except this time it was Sebastian who had hurt me. It was Sebastian that left me heart broken. I couldn't get hurt anymore. I couldn't let him hurt me again.

The footsteps were growing loud now. I could tell it was a man that walked the halls of this prison, because of just how much pride and muscle each step carried. Sebastian and I lifted our heads to see a girl on the other side of our cell. Her skin was the color of caramel; her hair the same. She had an hourglass figure, like Isabelle, except instead of being slim, she was muscular. A scar muddled the skin of her neck. Her eyes were a dark brown. She had the same broken expression as Sebastian when I had first found him wandering the lonely streets of Kansas. Before I could ask her what she wanted, she pulled out some keys and started to work on the lock of our jail cell. With a sickening click, the door opened and I sprinted to the exit; almost knocking over Sebastian.

"Thank y-" I started.

"Quite! They'll kill us if they find out we escaped!" She hissed under her breath. Down the hall, I could see Jace, gun in hand and scowl blazing. He caught my gaze and sprinted down to me. Never had I reunited with someone with so much tears.

"I thought he killed you." Jace sobbed as he held me. I feverously kissed him, forgetting to breath. I heard the clearing of a throat and separated my lips from his.

"Oh my god, Sebastian." Jace gasped as he looked at him with wonderment. I noticed Jace take a slight step away from me.

"Save it Herondale." Sebastian growled at the noticeable movement. Jace raised a brow and then resumed his closeness to me.

"Where are Simon, Alec, Magnus, and Isabelle?" I asked with panic, noting there disappearance.

"There in the truck, I wouldn't let Maia go in alone, I had to see if you were okay." Jace whispered. I nodded as Maia ran back towards us, hissing at us to get going. I sprinted so fast, not knowing where our current location was.

When we emerged from the building, I was shocked. I was met with the abrupt greeting of a desolate highway once we got out of the parking lot. Numerous bodies littered the empty parking spaces; more human bodies than zombies. The stench of decay almost made me throw up the contents of my empty stomach right there. I began to wonder where the guards were, considering it couldn't have been that easy to get out of a prison, despite the end of the world factor. My thoughts were silenced as I saw the bodies of men with guns in their hands. A trail of blood led me to suspect that they were dragged after they had been presumably shot. Dashing across the parking lot, I realized there was no truck.

"Where did you park the truck Jace?" I asked in a confused tone.

"A little bit further down the highway." He panted as we continued to sprint on the lonely road littered with broken and rusted cars. I winced as exhaustion screamed from my legs. My breasts were beginning to ache, needing the thirst of an infant to settle them. When we neared the truck, I had to take a moment to breath the oxygen my lungs had been deprived of. Jumping on the back of the truck , I noticed some new faces. There were many new faces. The first one that grabbed my attention was a boy, his stunning beauty in the mystery of him. He was broad-shouldered and slim, but muscular, with high cheekbones and startling hazel-green eyes. On both arms, he had tattoos that looked like scrolling script winding around his skin, he was a tall, brown-skinned rocker boy with long, dark hair that tumbled over his forehead and down his neck in curls, and had long, thick eyelashes. Wow. The next boy had dark hair that curled close to the nape of his neck. He had honey skin and huge, dark eyes. He had a lean body that resembled Jace's. The expression he wore was that of an innocent child, but a feeling told me not to trust him. The boy that sat in squeezed between the two was muscular and broad-shouldered guy at six feet easily. He had dark skin, brown eyes, and a square jaw. He also has a thick scar along his right cheek, for which I guess he got before the apocalypse. There was girl, a few years younger than me, but her saddened face made her look little, she had big eyes, birdlike bones and very pale blond hair, which cascaded down her shoulders.

"Who are they?" I said.

"Just the people that Valentine kept prisoners." Maia said. "Meet Maureen, Jordan," she grew a worried look as she said the next name, which seemed to confuse me," my brother Daniel, and Bat." She continued. I silently nodded at the new crowd of people in the truck. Sebastian eyed me and Jace with jealousy as he stared at the hand Jace held. The continuous stream of emotions made me feel sick. I didn't know whether to run in to Sebastian's arms, or remain in Jace's. A part of me said that with Sebastian, love came easy. He had been the one to take things slow. To show me a new way of seeing the world. He was the biological of my children. I tried my hardest to shake away these thoughts of acceptance. I had reasoned that Jace was the man that had picked me off the ground when death seemed like a pleasant escape from my heart ache. He loved my children whether or not they were his. He was the one that had to watch me fall in love and get married to another man. Ironic how they seemed to switch places.

"You okay Clary?" Jace asked with concern as he held my face in his hands. I mustered up the best smile I could and it seemed to have fooled him. I rested my head against his shoulder as the truck drove off into the darkening sky. I tried to think of how the group was going to take the return for Sebastian. We even planted flowers for him when he died! How the hell are they going to feel when they look at him now?

The girl, Maureen, was whimpering as she hugged her knees to her chest. I don't know how she managed to survive this long with a fragile appearance. Maia looked uncomfortable as Daniel stared at her, and when she looked at Jordan, a look of uncertainty crossed her. Bat looked at her with a sort of warmth that I saw when Jace looked at me. Isabelle clung to Simon as he whispered words of comfort to her. I can only imagine how desperately the want to see Liv, because I to would do anything to see my babies right now. Magnus and Alec were driving us home. I smiled as I looked through the back window that separated the front of the truck from the back and saw as Alec desperately tried to read a map. I could already see some familiarities in the land that we drove passed, so we must be close.

* * *

><p>"Sebastian!" My mother shrieked after she hugged me. Her small frame held tightly to that of her previous son in law. He awkwardly let her hug him for a minute before he asked about where he should sleep. I hadn't thought about this.<p>

"Come with me, I'll get your clothes." I mumbled as I guided him to our old room. Not only did I want to get him his old clothes, but our children also slept in that room, and I did want him to see them before he went to sleep. We quietly walked down the hallway, the annoying rhythm of Sebastian's fingers against his thigh was driving me insane. When we finally reached our room, I held a finger to my lips, telling him to be quiet. He didn't seem to understand this until I made a cradle motion in my hands and his eyes grew wide with anticipation as I slowly opened the door. The room was warmly lit with the night lights that were plugged into the walls. Sebastian immediately walked over to the two cribs that resided by Jace and I's bed. Being that Ava woke easy, the sound of the bedroom door shutting stirred her awake with a cry. Sebastian picked her up in his arms and swayed back and forth, calming our daughter.

"She has my hair, and your eyes!" He laughed as he smiled down at Ava. "My beautiful Ava, I knew I would see you one day." He continued. Sebastian's smile almost lit up the room as he held his infant daughter in his hands. "How old is she?" He asked.

"She's a few weeks old." I calmly replied. Even though Ava had fallen asleep in Sebastian's arms, he still continued to rock her. The way he cradled her reminded me of how Jace did. The way he held her as if he would allow nothing in this world to hurt his daughter. To hurt his angel. In that, they were equals.

"Can I hold him?" Sebastian asked, nodding toward Liam as he set Ava back in her crib. I mouthed a 'yes' and he carefully set Liam in his arms.

"He's handsome." He commented as he stoked Liam's cheek. "He has his mother's hair." He noted. Each day that passed, it revealed that Liam would have my curly locks of hair. I pitied him.

"He has your eyes." I added.

"Really?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. When he was born, it almost killed me when I saw them." I continued with a saddened expression.

"I'm sorry Clary. I'm so sorry that I did this to you." Sebastian apologized. I shook my head at him, telling him to stop. The way he looked at Liam, it looked like it hurt him to know that he couldn't be there for his children's birth. A twinge of guilt escaped into my heart, and I knew I would regret the next words I would say.

"We need to talk."


	18. History Repeats Itself

"You have _got to be fucking kidding me _if you think that I'm allowing that man to have _any _part of raising _my _children!" Sebastian yelled out to the other couch that sat across him in the living room, where Jace and I were seated. Why did I want this to happen. Although I had to admit that the eventual 'talk' session was inevitable, it was better to have it now than in front of our group.

"Sebastian! Calm down!" I said in a voice that broke above calm. I could see Jace struggling to keep his composure as he so desperately wanted to pound Sebastian into the floor. Looking between the two, I wouldn't know who would win. The seemed to be both equally strengthened, meaning that a fight would last a long time.

"How can you tell me to be calm!?" He shrieked. Sebastian then turned his gaze to Jace. Great. "You were supposed to be my _friend! YOU PLAYED THE PIANO AT MY WEDDING!" _Sebastian growled. In that moment is when Jace snapped. I could feel it. His arms tensed and his face flushed red with rage. The last time I had seen him this angry was when I pushed him away on our first kiss. When he had lost me the first, and hopefully last time. My heart was in places of the room right now. It beat for the dark haired man who sat in one couch. The one that had hurt me. It beat for the blond haired man that sat next to me. I felt as if I had an angel and a demon sitting on my shoulder; both trying to persuade me to go on either side by whispering words of encouragement.

"You want to talk about betrayal, let's start with you being alive. I had to hold _your wife _as she cried her eyes out every night. Do you even _realize _how much I had to beg for her to eat?!" Jace shrieked. I flinched at all the yelling that was going on in the room. I hoped we hadn't woke anyone from their sleep up stairs.

"I did all this so that _my family_ could **_live_**!" Sebastian argued. I had a feeling that this was only the beginning of a night full of yelling. I wished that both men could just agree that they both were going to be in Liam and Ava's life. Even if Jace didn't want Sebastian to ever see our children, I had to let him. I could see just how much Sebastian loved his children from the moment he laid eyes on them. It was like he was on a tight leash when it came to distancing himself between them. Never would I have thought that he would have ever seen his children when I thought he was dead.

"Do you know how many times Clary woke up in the morning and called out your name? How every time she looked into our son's eyes she couldn't help but cry at the loss of his father!" Jace continued. I had to agree with Jace on this. Sebastian had left me broken and dying when Jace rescued me from the darkness I had gotten lost in.

"He has a father! I'm _right here_!" Sebastian replied angrily._ Biological father. _

"I just want you to know that you could have had her, all you had to do was tell her that you were still alive and she would had held on to hope Sebastian." Jace said in a cool tone. That seemed to have struck Sebastian hard. That was indeed true. If Sebastian had told me that he was alive, I would probably be in our room right now making love with him instead of arguing with him in the living room. Tragic.

"Clary, you have to have _some feelings left toward me!" _Sebastian pleaded. I sat still on the couch, pretending that he wasn't talking to me. If either one of them asked where my heart belonged, I wouldn't be able to answer that clearly. All eyes seemed to be on me now, obviously waiting for an answer. I couldn't do this. My stomach felt sick as I tried to respond to his question. What would I even say to him? Was I supposed to say that I didn't love him? That would be a lie. A very big lie.

"Please Sebastian. Don't do this to me." I begged. I heard Jace take in a gasp as he took in my words. I regretted them instantly. The fact that I didn't deny my feelings for him was a sure sign that I still held something for him. I used to be married to him after all. My heart had once belonged solely to him and him only. I had made a vow under heaven that I would love him with every fiber of my being. I thought he was dead, so I tried to move on, and I did. When I found out he was alive, I was angry. Angry that he had lied to me; but most of all angry at how yet again my happy presence would be shattered. Angry that I would have to deal with my feelings for him. I was so destroyed when he told me that he had done so much for me. That a part of me wanted to show him just how happy I was that he was willing to do that. I feared that I would lose Jace in all of this. That he wouldn't want to handle me anymore. That he didn't want to deal with the trouble of an uncertain wife added to the threat of survival. As I looked at Sebastian now, a tug at my heart still pulled me toward him. I hated myself for that. Why did this have to happen? I was started to put my life back together and then he has to make it complicated again! Why couldn't I just move on from this horrible moment? Why couldn't my heart just make up it's _goddamn mind!? _I could sense that I was going to lose the perfect family I had created. I was going to lose my husband and be broken once again. I was going to be left broken and crying, waiting for my prince to pick me up and hold me until I fell asleep.

Angered at my words, Jace stormed off. I could feel tears forming in my eyes as I tried to catch up with him. My chest felt tight and my mind felt uncertain. I had felt like this once. I had felt like this in the moments before I was told that Sebastian had died. This horrible feeling of knowing that everything I held on to, no matter how tight my hold is, will be ripped from my grasp and destroyed. All while I might have been able to stop it. My mind shielded itself, preparing for the massive amount of grief that was sure to come.

"Jace!" I screamed out at him as he trudged down the hallway. My heart sunk as I realized he was going into his old room. In an instant, he spun around and I almost crashed into him. His expression was hurt and rage mixed into his angelic face.

"What Clary!?" He shrieked at me. I flinched at the bluntness of his words. A small amount of regret was placed on Jace's face as he saw my flinch, but it was wiped off as he remembered his reason for being angry.

"Don't do this!" I pleaded. I tried to reach for his arms, but he stepped back out of my reach. Tears streamed down my cheeks, making me look like a woman who was about to lose everything, which I was.

"Stop that!" He yelled when I tried to grab him again. Last night we would have been wrapped in each other's arms, crying out in the passion as we made love, not this. Not this refusal to touch one another. I could feel the hope draining out of my heart as I looked at his disgusted expression. He looked at me as if I wasn't the girl he had held every night for the past several months. As if I wasn't the girl he told all his secrets and fears to. As if I wasn't the girl he loved.

"You stop that!" I cried as he yet again moved away from me.

"I can't believe you!" He said in a hurt tone, his voice so loud it shook in my bones.

"Please don't do this Jace. I can't lose you Jace." I reasoned. He didn't seem to be shaken.

"I wont leave you if you can honestly look me in the eye and say that you no longer have feelings for him." He said in a cold tone. My mouth hung loose as I looked at him. I couldn't do that. With a sickened scoff, Jace turned away and went to his now new room and slammed the door shut. There it was, the pain I had felt of losing the one I loved. I collapsed to my knees crying. This hurt even more than losing Sebastian, because with Sebastian, our last moments as man and wife were happy memories. These weren't. These were moments filled with regret, shame and anger. Love wasn't supposed to hurt. It was supposed to fill your life with purpose and give you a reason to keep fighting. It wasn't supposed to be the reason you gave up. It wasn't supposed to be the reason you wanted to breath out your last breath of air into the world that had already ended. I always figured it would be a zombie that would be the end of me. I didn't think that a broken heart would. I didn't even believe in love not so long ago. I didn't want to experience the pain of heart break. The fire that was my love now burned my heart with a vengeance, consuming my heart. Incinerating it. All the feelings I had now mimicked the ones I had on the day Sebastian supposedly died. The same lost feeling filled my chest. The shattering amount of pain coursed through my veins.

The familiar darkness encased my body, and just the same, strong arms picked me up and took me back to my room.


	19. Destroyed

Sebastian held me as I tried to fall asleep. I couldn't. The nagging feeling of guilt was eating away at me. How could Jace ask me to simply deny my feelings for the husband that I had thought had died? When someone you love dies, you don't spend the time getting over them saying how you could do better! You spend that time remembering what a great person they were! How you could learn to spend your time more carefully with the next person that wins over your heart.

As Sebastian's warm arms circled me, a thrum of electricity was beating under the skin he touched. It made me angry at my body for still wanting him to touch me. To want his rough hands to hold me tight as we both writhed in uncageable pleasure. Lust and hurt fought together in my head, seeing which one would last. The part of me that was hurt was saying how he had lied to me, how he had made me feel so depressed for a long time. How sleeping through the day was my schedule for weeks.

Sebastian moved in his sleep, causing his arms to run up my thighs. I could not help but moan at the warmth he caused in the part of me that used to be reserved for him. My marriage was in ruins and yet I was still getting turned on by my not-so-dead husband. This all seemed like a bad reality show.

The part of me that lust after Sebastian told me that Jace had hurt me. Sebastian only hurt me because it was to protect me. That he spent several months in a prison while I was running off with the man who broke my heart before. That part was going to win. My body was aching now. Aching for a release that would distract me from the shattered heart that lay broken in my chest.

"Sebastian?" I whispered out into the dark. I could feel the goosebumps that rose up his arms when he realized just where his hands were.

"Oh, sorry." He mumbled. Before he could take his strong hands away, I gripped them to me, eliciting a gasp from him, and a moan from me. As weird as this all seemed, it felt natural. We used to be soul mates, why wouldn't it be?"Clary, are you sure?" Sebastian gasped out.

"Please Sebastian, I want to feel better. Make me feel good again. Take away the pain. Make me yours." I pleaded. This was all new to me. I had never begged to be touched by him. I was always the one that told him what to do. With the plea I gave him, Sebastian took in a big breath and flipped us so that he was on top of me. He looked beautiful now. He was going to take me away from all the pain that I held tight to me. He was going to be what I needed him to be. An escape.

"Are you sure you want this?" Sebastian asked again. I groaned in irritation and took his right hand and slid it under my shirt. I gasped at the sudden change of temperature; his warm hand feeling like a kiss of sunlight in the darkness that enveloped me. I decided that I would have to be the one to guide us, so I pushed him to the bed and straddled him. I grinded myself against his stiffness, making him moan out my name. "I miss this. _God I miss you so much_." He gasped from under me.

I focused on the pained expression he was making as I worked on the buttons of his jeans; his hand still attached to me. As his jeans were thrown from his legs, I through off my shirt; no bra shielded me from him. His dark eyes swallowed me whole as his desire overtook as it did me. I almost tore of his boxer as I inserted him in me. To feel his roughness collide with my smoothness. I cringed at the sudden fullness. He felt so beautiful to me. "_Oh god..." _I moaned out as the collisions grew harder and rhythmic. I tried to keep my volume on the low, considering our children were sleeping. An infant's cry would sure be a turn off.

I had known his to be this way. To be anything but rough seemed to be a motive he didn't posses. Now it seemed as if all that time spent without me he was trying to make up for at once. My body shook with tremors and thrust as we continued our passionate reunion. It was as if my body had missed his. The way we slowly burned in our love for one another seemed to come back now. Together we rocked as one, our pace steadily increasing with our need for release. My hands dug into his chiselled stomach as I tried to grip onto the reality that was crumbling around me with each step that I took towards the cliff that I would jump off.

Sebastian's hands gripped my hip as we forced our bodies together. I was whimpering at the feelings I held in my chest, threatening to rupture. My breathing was heavy and shaky as our time spent together was prolonged. No longer was I sure of the hurt I felt towards him. All the pain that I kept buried inside me was being unearthed by this man. By his loving touches. By the way he made me forget what I was feeling. By helping me forget the one that had taken his place. My core heated with the friction between Sebastian and I, the heat becoming intolerable. I wanted to cast the flames out. I wanted to desperately feel the fire of my tainted love expel from inside me. I felt as he would be the death of me.

"Clary...I can't hold.. off much, longer." He gasped from under me. I immediately reached for the spare foliage that resided on the night stand. I shuddered as I released him from my body's grip, allowing only seconds to transpire without him. I slammed back into him, causing him to gasp out in pleasure. The noises that flooded the room weren't foreign to me. The sound of colliding bodies, the gasping and grunting. The light squeaks of the bed. It was a music I welcomed to my sensitive ears.

"Sebastian!" I hissed under by breath as the fire found it's exit. I held onto him, fearing that without this touch, we would get cast off into the darkness. I closed my eyes in the deadly pleasure that encased my frame. Sparks erupted under my closed lids. Beautiful. The surmounting pleasure crushed me into the moment that was this. Not long after I had been lost in this breath taking passion, Sebastian followed in pursuit. Never would I imagine that I would hear him grunting and moaning my name again. Never would I have believed that such a wonder could occur after the heart shattering separation of the one that I called mine. He was mine now. He was my salvation. He would pick me up and take me away from the pain; like he always had before his abandonment.

Exhaustion weighed my body to his now, causing me to collapse onto his strong chest. His thick arms held me to him as we relived the amazement that had just occurred. The fire that we had started together again. I couldn't believe such a flame could be ignited between us again; yet here I was against his sweat coated skin. Perspiration darkened my hair and glued my dream to his. He moved from under me, finally separating us. I cringed at the discomfort; waiting for him to come back and embrace me. The moment his big arms wrapped around me, that was the moment when I realized he would always be there to help me, no matter the cost.

* * *

><p><strong>Jace<strong>

I slammed the door shut, my eyes stinging with tears that I tried to prevent. How could I do that? How could I make the woman I loved cry and then slam a door in her face. I deserved whatever punishment was brought to me. I gasped for the air that would cool the burning fire that I used to fuel our passion. I ruined it for us. I pushed her away instead of bringing her close. I did it again. Sebastian was going to win her again. He was going to be the knight in shining armour and rescue her from the pain I had brought her. He did it last time and this time I wouldn't get to hurt her again, because now I was certain they were going to fall into each others arms again.

No. I couldn't just let her get swept off her feet again. I wasn't going to watch her fall in love knowing that I could have held her close to me. I couldn't deny the intense beating of my heart that belong to her soul. The numbing vibration coursed through my body told me that without her I was nothing. I was the damaged boy that my father had left me on the Lightwood's doorstep. I was the boy who had no one, and wanted no one; not without her. Clary was the one who broke through that wall of pain I through at anyone who dare step too close to me. The wall that didn't allow me to touch anyone outside of my metal prison. A part of me didn't want to go to her. It said that me and her were never supposed to happen. That she was destined for Sebastian. That I was just her distraction.

I told that part to shut the hell up.

I gathered all the courage I could muster and slowly made my way to the door that had once separated us. I expected her to be there still, crying on the floor. To see her tear stained cheek shining at me as I scooped her in my arms and held her to me. I wanted to see the blaze that was her hair glowing in the dimly lit hallway. No noise came from the large room we had argued in. I guess that time had passed since I left her there in pieces. Such a coward I was for running away from her. The one time she had been mine, the one time I could have stopped someone I loved from leaving me and I progressed the abandonment. It was like I wanted to feel that rush of pain again. That cold emptiness that made me the twisted man I was today. My independent escape.

My feet moved across the hard floor as if lead ran through my veins and not liquid vitality that provided smooth movement. Minutes ticked by as I was met with the door that was our room. At least I hoped it still was our room. _Don't think like that Jace. _My hand clasped around the knob that would grant me access to the woman I would die for. That granted me access to my family. Ever so slowly, I twisted it; opening the door to see something that left me without air.

There she was, my beautiful Clary. She was asleep. She was bare with _him. _Clothes lay tossed on the floor as they slept together in a tangle of limbs. Right then I wanted to kill him. To make him with that he had died at the hands of zombies instead of being pulled apart bit by bit from a man that had nothing and everything to lose. I walked out of the room and closed the door, shutting it softly in the name of the children that slept peacefully in that room. I didn't know why I was so angry. I had driven her away from me. I was the one who had left her faltering, looking for someone to ease the pain of emptiness. Never have I felt so unwanted; even when my father blamed me for the loss of his true love. The one thing I had told myself that was a lie turned out not to be. My father was right all those years ago. To love was to destroy and to be loved was to be the one destroyed. There wasn't any denial now at the feeling I felt ripping me apart.

I was destroyed.


	20. The Gentle Hand

I felt different. This feeling of a pained euphoria engulfed me as I gazed at the sight before my eyes. Sunlight enveloped the room, giving it a warm feel. The white walls were tinted orange with radiating light. Crimson dashed along the contours of my pale skin as I re enacted the previous nights actions in my head. The tightness in my chest, the tears in my eyes, the moans that escaped my lips, the pleasure that had rushed through me. Relations were severed and rekindled. I fell asleep with the man I thought was dead. My guardian angel had left me crying, wishing for numbness. My family was together and separated at the same time. The angel that rest on my shoulder told me to go back to him. To tell him how I loved him. The devil that rest on my shoulder whispered to me how the angel didn't want me anymore. That he saw me as damaged. Destroyed. The devil told me that he was the one who would care for me. The one who was supposed to raise my children. I found myself listening to him.

"Did I ever tell you how much I enjoyed it when you took control?" Sebastian asked with a raised brow and a growing smile. I could only match his expression with a laugh.

"Your body did." I teased with a grin as I reached for my robe. I missed this. I missed the light teasing after a night of passionate embraces. It seemed almost fake as I exchanged gazes with Sebastian. All the circumstances seemed to be wrong.

"What happens to us now?" Sebastian said, thin time without his smile, and instead a willing gaze. I didn't know what to say, I was so sure that this was the way it was going to happen. We were going to fall in love again and then we would never be apart again. As he asked me those words, all the guilt I had been forcing down my head was rising up. _What had I done?_

"I- I don't know." I spoke without certainty. The words were not a lie, but I didn't know if they were true either. They seemed to seal my fate with this man I claimed as mine. He was. He was the one that I was supposed to be with. I just had to remind myself that. This was how it was supposed to turn out. He was going to help me raise our children and in the meantime we would grow old with each other. Me and him would take on the world a day at a time. My heart seemed to turn, fighting the thoughts that went through my head.

"Are we ever going to go back to what we were?" He asked with desperation.

"Tell me how you think we could accomplish that?" I aske distantly.

"Because we love each other!" He pleaded.

"But do we?" I asked him.

"I guess not." He spoke coldly as he set Liam down. I shuddered with regret as he walked out of the room. The ring that I had so tightly worn around my neck seemed to burn now. I wanted it off of me, so I lifted it off my pale neck and set it on the night stand. As much as I wanted to be with my childrens father, I couldn't. The time for loving him had passed. The time to show him that I loved him had passed, and last night was just cleansing myself of the lust I held towards him. A great dread encased my mind as I prayed that it wasn't to late to turn back. Last night was a mistake. It was a moment of weakness and pain. That's all.

I sat on my bed, staring at the Herondale ring. _Was he going to take it back? Would he forgive me for what I had done? _My thoughts were interrupted when someone opened the door to my room in a way that wasn't so gentle. My angel. There he stood, blazing in all his glory. His face was contorted in painful rage as he looked at me. His fist were wound tight, his eyes red with tears and what I could guess would be from the liquor we had stored in the kitchen cabinet. His hair was plastered to his face with sweat, ruining his golden halo. He jerked me off the bed and pulled me down the hall into his room. My wrist stung from his steel grip that he had just released.

"_How could you!"_ He screamed as he pushed me onto his bed and slammed his door shut. I flinched at the rage he unleashed upon me. I deserved it nonetheless.

"It was a mistake!" I cried at him.

"Mistakes are forgetting to put baby powder when you change a diaper, not _sleeping with your ex-husband!" _He roared.

"What do you want me to say Jace!? You left me!" I reasoned.

"I came back for you! I found you in the room with _him_!" He shouted. I froze at his words. He shouldn't have seen that.

"You left me broken!" I argued.

"_You_ still loved him!" He spat back.

"I can't love him! I tried after you left me! He's changed Jace! When I woke up today, all I could think of is how you were ever going to forgive me!" I stated. Jace started to shake his head at me, trying to wash away the words I had just said. His drunken state and his rage combined into a violent force as I tried to get out of the room. When I passed him, a searing pain shot across my face and I was thrown back a few steps. I looked up to see him standing over me. Rage was replaced with heavy regret. Regret for slapping me. I held my hands to my face, pulling it away to see crimson. Tears started streaming steadily down my scorched face. I never thought he could do that to me. That he could actually hit me. _This isn't him. _

"I-I'm so sorry Clary." He stuttered as he crouched down to me. I flinched again at his touch, fearing vengeance from his left hand. He looked down at his palms as if they were weapons of destruction. The force of his hand hadn't made me cry, but the shock of him raising it to me did. He knew damn well that a man should _never _lay his hands on a woman. Not like that. My glorious angel was tainted by my blood. He was falling into a deep pit of despair that he couldn't escape.

"..you hit me." I barely managed to whisper.

* * *

><p>AN

**Don't really know where this is heading, only that I'm not entirely dissatisfied. **

**Let me know what you think!**


	21. His Soldier

I don't know why I did it. I was drunk to the point where hitting her seemed like a viable option to keep her from leaving. I hit her so hard she fell down. If Maryse could see me now, she wouldn't recognize me. In an instant, I had gone from the broken husband to the abusive one. In an instant I had gone from protector to attacker. I had lost her in that instant. Maybe she did deserve Sebastian, because I sure as hell didn't deserve the beautiful gift that was her love. I am no better than those beasts that roam the Earth; attacking the ones they love. My hands shook from the shock of hitting her. The way her beautiful hair pooled around her body as she hit the ground, it made me want to die. It reminded me of how my father would knock my mother to the ground and throw punches at her.

Never have I compared myself to my father, except for now. I used to wish his destruction everytime he hit my mother. I wanted him to get help. I wanted my mother to leave him. I cursed her for putting up with the abuse he through at her. The times where instead of laughter that filled the house, it was the sound of his hand colliding with her face. I think it was her rough upbringing that made her stay with him. All she wanted was security and instead she was living with the devil himself. The house I grew up in was hell on Earth. I swore to myself that no matter how many women I messed around with, not one of them would I disrespect. I failed you mother. I failed you. I failed to show you that I was better than Dad. I failed my mother and Clary. I failed everyone that had ever seen the good in me. Love was destroying me. It was destroying her. I was destroying her.

Seeing my own hands be the reason my Clary feared me struck me harder than my hand had with her face. I was the man I tried so hard not to be. Now, as I looked in the reflection of her tear soaked eyes, I see an abusive drunk. I see not Jace, but Stephen. I see a beautiful girl lying on the floor in pain as her husband ruins the pretty face of hers while her children sleep in the other room. Oh the irony.

The way she's looking at me now. The look of absolute betrayal. I never thought I'd see that in her emerald eyes. Never. I promised myself to kill the man who ever caused her pain, and it is me who must be slayed. It's not like I don't want to go grab the pistol that we were supposed to used to save ourselves. It would be save myself if I took it out now and pulled the trigger. It would stop me from becoming the monster that I am now.

I couldn't help but run out of the room like the coward I am. Self loathing made me run down the halls and to the back yard. The change of texture under my feet made me slow down. I ran past all the animals and all the crops. Grass scratched at my ankles as I darted for the woods. I had never ran like this before. Whenever I was running from zombies, I was running to save myself. Right now, I was running to save her. Dark tree trunks passed me as I sprinted through the woods. I could hear the distant sound of water flowing down a stream. I could hear birds chirping in the trees; and I could hear her. I could hear her sprinting behind me. I could hear her leap from her stance and tackle me. I could hear her screaming my name. The name of the monster that had hurt her.

"Look at me!" She screamed as I held my eyes shut tight. "Jace Herondale! Look at me now!" She almost pleaded. I couldn't bring myself to look at her beautiful face. To see the damage my hands had done. "I don't want to lose you.." She cried. I could feel the hot tears slide off her face and land on mine. That did it.

My eyes peeled open to see the woman that straddled me. Her face was flushed red. Tears were pooling out of her emerald green eyes. Where my hand struck her, it was turning purple. My eyes were glued to her swollen cheek. "I'm already lost." I whispered.

"No. You didn't mean it. I'm sorry." She apologized. Her red hair stuck to her tear streaked face. The warm ball of light that she was, was fading as she saw the look in my eyes. The look of uncertainty. I was so scared of the power of my own hands. The heavenly fire that I used to love her only seemed to burn her now.

"_You're sorry?_ I hit you Clary!" I argued. How could she not be angry?

"I love you!" She cried as if that was a good reason to forgive me. I shook my head, tears hitting the soft leaves under me.

"To love is to destroy Clary! I destroyed you!" I argued. She clenched her fist and banged them into my chest, hoping to knock some sense into me.

"Don't say that!" She yelled at me.

"What do you want me to say? That I want to continue living after hitting you!?" I reasoned.

"Say that you'll come back with me! Say that we can move past this!" She propositioned.

"We can't! It hurts too much!" I sobbed; my vision blurring with salt water.

"Jace _please!" _She sobbed on top of me.

"No! Go back to Sebastian! He won't hurt you like I did!" I reasoned. She shook her head at me, her fiery locks shifting in the air.

"_I don't love him_!" She argued.

"I love you too much to be with you after that!" I truthfully said.

"I love you too much to let you go!" She said, mimicking my tone.

"Look Clary!" I said while guiding her hand to her wounded face." I did that!" I stated.

"That wasn't you! That was a broken hearted man who was scared to lose the woman he loved!" She reasoned.

"Than this is me now! Leave me and lead a happy life!" I commanded.

"I'm not happy without you!"

"We can't even be happy before! There will always be Sebastian! There will always be a part of me that can't forget what I saw! There will always be a part of you that will wonder when I'll hit you again!" I said, and this time I pulled her off of me, not wanting to hear anymore of her pleas of taking me back. "Leave me." I whispered. With a sob, she turned away and sprinted back to the farm. I thought it would make me feel better if she left. If she were to be happy when she turned away. That I would be happy she left me. I was wrong, so very very wrong.

I held my head in my hands, regretting my statements of independence. It angered that me that we almost had everything. But almost wasn't enough this time. Our love was destructive. It didn't help when we kept giving each other reasons to leave the other. Couldn't she see that I was trying to protect her? That I just wanted the best for her? Why did she have to make this so hard? I was a monster trying to protect her from the darkness that I brought with me.

Valentine told me this would happen. He told me that what he had injected me with would cause this. The strength. The inhuman strength it would give me. He made the drug himself. He said that by the time he would find me again, I would be willing to go because of the harm I would cause with the drug _Ithuriel _he called it. The purpose of it scared me.

He was making me into his soldier.


	22. Just Like You

"Wonderful isn't she?" A man whispered from the trees. My head snapped around to see him. Valentine.

"What do you want?" I snapped at him. Valentine smiled at my little outburst.

"To take back my work." He explained. That's what I was, his work. His experiment. At first his request seemed foolish to me; but then there was nothing holding me back. There was nothing tethering me to this place.

"Promise me that she won't get hurt." I ordered.

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt." He replied. I glared at him, my golden eyes dark with suspicion and irritation.

"Why do you want me?" I asked him. I didn't know what my purpose was to him.

"It is not only you I want, but Jonathan, not the imposter they had sent me." He replied.

"If you knew he was the imposter, why did you keep him prisoner?" I asked with suspicion.

"Don't think this is my first time coming to the farm after the disease broke out, _Herondale." _He sneered. "I knew he was married to my mistake of a daughter. I figured keeping him prisoner would hurt her. When your group stumbled upon one of my _many _lands that I have claimed, I hatched a plan. I hired two lousy excuses for people as guards for the prison, knowing you guys would escape. I knew that it wouldn't take you two too long to split up with Sebastian back in her embrace. Not really a surprise considering I drugged her before she left with something I had made just for this occasion. At first I planned to use it on Jocelyn, but when I saw the potential to drive you away from her, I used it on her. It's kind of like a love potion, except it's more of a lust thing. It makes the body crave sex. Any suitors that are deemed fit enough for sex will become attractive to the person using the drug. Sure the person under effect will question why they feel this certain way for the person, but they won't fight their desires." He causally explained. I was angry that this madman had planned the destruction of my marriage; though I was still at fault for some of it.

"Why do you want Jonathan?" I asked with irritation that didn't hide my interest.

"Because, like you, he is also my experiment." He clarified.

"What did you do to him?" I whispered.

"Something he hasn't realized yet. You see, long ago, I was still the scientist I am today. The experiments I performed were for the better of the human race. When my son was barely a toddler, I gave him a dose of something unstable. It put him in the hospital, and I was cast away like the meth addicted druggie they thought I was. I never got the chance to see my creation flourish. What I injected him with all those years ago was something that lay dormant in him. It was missing the activation I had yet to invent, but I shall wait no longer. He will be the perfect soldier. He will be obedient. His humanity will be gone, and his abilities invincible." Valentine explained with wide eyes.

"And by telling me this, you think it will make me go with you?" I asked in disbelief.

"No, but if you disobey me, I can give orders to have my _precious_ daughter killed." He laughed with insanity.

"Why do you hate her?" I asked with disgust. I could never imagine myself ever hating Ava, even if she wasn't mine.

"She's the reason Jocelyn left me." He scowled. This man was truly insane.

"What will you do to me once I go with you?" I asked again.

"You will be my personal soldier. I will use you and Jonathan to help me expand the amount of land I own. I'm going to create a new race of people. I'm going to create a civilization that will be better than this week human race of ours. My species will be strong and powerful." He fathomed with eyes that glazed over.

"What about Clary?" I asked.

"You can keep your weak wife. See it as a payment method. But know this; the moment she breaks one of my many rules will be the moment I return her body to the Earth." He threatened. I had no choice but to go along with him.

I'm sorry Clary.

* * *

><p>"Positive!" Rebecca shrieked with joy at the pregnancy test.<p>

"We're going to have a baby!" Jonathan cheered as he lift Rebecca into the air and pulled her into a loving kiss. They had both suspected that Rebecca was pregnant when they first started trying for a baby. It was only now though that their suspicions were confirmed.

"I'm so excited! This baby is going to be a little piece of _you _and _me_!" Rebecca continued.

"Do you think it's going to be a boy or girl?"Rebecca asked with interest.

"What do you think it might be?" Jonathan replied.

"Boy! He'll be strong like you and have your hair color!" She dreamed.

"Wow, can you imagine a little me?" Jonathan whispered.

"He'll be _every bit like you._" Rebecca whispered with joy. Jonathan's face was deep in thought as he imagined all the ways a child of his could look and act. In the back of his mind, he worried that the trauma of being experimented on by his father might affect the baby.

"I hope he's more like you." Jonathan laughed, a laughter that hid his fears. He really did hope that this baby turned out more like Rebecca.


	23. Separate Worlds

I looked at the foreign language in frustration. What were words looked like drawings to me. Each character confusing me. It all looked illegible to my average mind. This was only one of the many languages I had to learn and I didn't even know what it was!

"What language is this again?" I asked in annoyance.

"Latin." Valentine snapped.

"And why am I learning this?" I said, ignoring his threatening tone.

"Because the _Ithuriel _was supposed to make your brain more capable." He explained not so clearly. I looked at him in astonishment as I tried to focus back on the words in front of me.

"Can't we just go back to the extensive weapon training?" I whined.

"You mean going back to where you got your ass handed to you?" He clarified in a smug tone.

"At least I knew the subject! I don't even know what I'm looking at!" I growled.

"Because you're not _concentrating_!" He diagnosed.

"I'm trying!" I snapped.

"Would it be easier if I said that I was going to kill your wife if you don't hurry up?" He asked casually. My jaw dropped in horror at anyone harming my angel. Valentine then unlatched the radio on his waist and brought it to his mouth.

"Wait!" I shrieked in panic.

"Send your men, soldier." He commanded over the radio.

"Please don't do this!" I pleaded.

"Look at the paper." He instructed. I didn't know what good this would bring, seeing as I couldn't even read the inscriptions I was going to fail Clary yet again. I snapped my head back to the paper, and something changed. My head ached as meaning was brought to the curving letter. I blinked twice at the now clear meaning.

"Why were you having me look at a lullaby?" I asked in shock. I didn't know how this could be possible. I was in spanish for two years before the apocalypse and I still didn't carry out a full sentence and now I was reading _latin_?

"I wanted you to feel like an idiot when you gathered your wits." He said in that same smug tone

"Call of your men!" I panicked.

"That wasn't for Clary." He grinned as a large group of men invaded the study I was in. It wasn't really a study. It was more of an interrogation room. The large men the came into the room had scars that aligned their bodies; each carrying a vicious look on their face. I felt my skin align itself with goosebumps in fear while I stared at them. The large men walked up to me and grabbed me by the shoulders.

"What is this for?" I whispered.

"Not only are you stronger, but you heal faster, but I need to see how faster a healer you are." He said with a grin. Great; they were going to kick my ass. The big hands at my shoulder picked me up and through me to the floor. Several kick and punches kissed the skin of my body. I didn't cry out in pain until I felt one of my ribs snap back into place. All the cuts that littered my body started to feel like they were on fire, and I watched in horror as it came back together. I was a bloody mess on the floor that Valentine approached. He took out a knife that glowed at the edge and set it to my skin. I winced at the slight sting, watching it make spirals of charcoal lines against my golden skin. The lines were intricate and beautiful, reminding me of the symbols I had seen while reading.

"What the _hell _are you doing?" I asked in astonishment.

"Marks of training, the more the better." He mumbled as he continued to trace lines. This man was officially bat shit insane. Not only was he training me like a soldier, but he was also marking up my skin with these symbols. The object in his hand stung against my skin as he traced lines. Instead of showing up red on my golden skin, it was black. It looked like someone had taken a sharpie to my skin. I had so much to learn. I did all this for my love. I wondered what she was up to.

* * *

><p>"<em>Please stop crying Ava<em>." I plead with my daughter. She has been fussing ever since Jace had left. Or that's what I think he did. He could have just gotten devoured by zombies. My daughter is wailing in my arms as I try to rock her back to sleep. Sebastian is feeding Liam. _Why does he get the easy one?! _Ava's long lashes are damp with tears. I know she misses Jace. He would always rock her to sleep. I miss him too. This was my fault that he was gone, but I was surprised that he left the kids; he loved them so much. I knew that something horrible must have happened to him for him to leave them.

"Clary, do you want me to try?" Sebastian asks as he sets down Liam. I feel my eyes sting with tears as I hand him my baby. I feel like I can't even keep my child from crying now. I feel as if I'm failing at being a good mother. I wipe my hand under my dampening eyes, not wanting Sebastian to see me cry. Me and him had came to an agreement that although we wouldn't be with each other romantically, we would both raise the kids. He was a little distant with me for a few days after our separation, but when he realized that I needed him as my kid's father instead of a husband, he got over it. We seemed like best friends now. He slept next to me the bed, but he was dressed for bed and not once did he make a move on me. We joked around and I started to care for him as I did Jonathan.

Sebastian rested him hand on Ava's head as he rocked her in his arms. Her cries started to lessen in volume as now it was only whimpering. His strong arms held her gently as she calmed down. I sat down on the bed and laid my head in my hands. I felt so distant with my own daughter. Liam still treated me the same, although there were some nights where he seemed to miss Jace as he would stare at Sebastian as he held him. I hear Ava's breathing slow down and soon it is rhythmic instead of sharp gasps as she cried. I look up to see Sebastian settling her in her crib, kissing her on the forehead as he sets her down. Ava's face is flushed read from all the crying, and I can only feel horrible for her cries. Sebastian walks over to me and pulls on my hand, taking me into the hallway to talk.

"Are you okay?" He asks in concern.

"It's like she knows he's gone because of me!" I cry. Sebastian gives me a look of pity before he pulls me into his arms as he done to our daughter. His hands rub my back trying to sooth me; a laugh breaks through all my pain.

"What's so funny?" He asks in confusion.

"You just did this to our daughter." I laugh. He seems to notice how he is holding me close to him as he had done Ava, and this causes him to shake with laughter.

"Sorry, I'm just so used to calming people this way. Do you want me to rock you? That usually helps Ava." He teases. I smile through my tears and press my face into his warm chest. He smells of aftershave and grass. It's pleasant.

"Would you?" I joke. I shriek as I feel Sebastian's arms swoop under my knees and he's carrying me bridal style. I stir in his hands as I can't stop laughing. He starts to rock me in his arms and tries to hold in his laughs.

"Want me to sing to you too?" He asks through laughs. His cheeks are red with burning laughter.

"Please do." I giggle as he starts to sing me to sleep. His voice is deep and melodic as he continues to rock me. My stomach hurts from the constant laughing and I fear that I may pee my pants if he keeps on. I recognize the lullaby as one I heard from my childhood. My laughter has stopped and all I can manage to do is stare up at him. I nustle my head to his chest and my breathing steadies as I listen to his singing. I almost fall asleep before I hear footsteps and see Magnus stand a few feet away from us.

"Please tell me this isn't a sex thing." He says through a wary face. Sebastian and I erupt in laughter at his words and this only confuses him.

"This isn't a sex thing." We both groan through our smiles.

"Good, because I was afraid you both had gone insane." He says as he breathes a sigh of relief."So does anyone want to explain why you are holding her like she is one of your own children?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." I explain to Magnus.

"So you decided to become a child yourself?" Magnus questions.

"Yes." I say with a serious face. I can't hold it long before a grin presses against my face.


End file.
